Changing anti-depressants is not a pleasant experience. Your body and to a degree your emotions get out of whack for a bit and its easy to see situations and build them into bigger things then they really are. I suspect I’ve done that a lot the last couple of weeks with Grace. Because of my history with anger issues, I can control most of the fits of anger I get over little things especially when there is a part of my brain asking the question, “Why exactly are you getting upset over this?”. Now that I’ve been off the Wellbutrin for a week and its starting to leave my system, things are calming down more and more for me. Understand I haven’t been a complete dick to Grace, but I probably haven’t been there for her as much as I should have and that annoys me. There was never one thing that you could point to and say, “This is where my frustration was coming from”. I was just frustrated in general and every little thing that happened added to my frustration level. Pain, not being able to spend the amount of intimate time I wanted to with Grace, and an inability to orgasm all sort of fanned the fire. So I’ve been grouchy. Reading this paragraph back to myself right now, I understand how hodgepodge and rammed together it all sounds, but this is really the best I can do right now to explain what’s been going on. It hasn’t been fun. Frustrating has been the word of each and every day for over a week.
That is until Friday. I came. Oh Dear God did I cum. Sadly without Grace but I suspect that was for the best. I didn’t want distractions, I didn’t want to worry about how she was doing and if I should be pleasing her as well. I just wanted to cum. And when I felt it, I put the gas pedal to the floor and let it hit. Normally guys can start to feel that tingle and we’ll extend it out a bit and enjoy it. This wasn’t about enjoyment. This was about getting a release. It was primal and Grace should feel fortunate that she wasn’t involved because the sheer amount of cum that came out of my cock after a week of blue balls was impressive to say the very least. She may have drowned if she had been trying to swallow it is all I’m saying. And when I was done, there was no sexual bliss or afterglow. It was just relief. The closest I can relate it to is that feeling of collapsing onto a very comfortable couch after a day of heavy manual labor. Just feeling all the strength leave you and falling into the softness and comfort of that couch and not wanting to move from it. That’s how it felt.
Grace and I did have a bit of fun Saturday night where I gave her a very long and hard spanking. It was one of those where you build up and then stop for a bit. Rub her ass. Talk to her soothingly. Get her to relax just a little. Then start again. Each time going a little longer and hitting a little harder. The best part was towards the end I wailed on her ass and had her squirming and moaning underneath me and I stopped. Then I started dragging my nails over her tender flesh. I think she expected this to be the finale and I’d finally let her cum, but no. I told her I wasn’t done with her yet. Soon. Very soon. But not yet. I called her my pet and stroked her hair lightly. I wanted her energy to be just right for what I was going to do next. I wanted her to relax again and I wanted her feeling very submissive. And then I absolutely lit into her. On several of the spanks she grunted from the force of it and by the end she was babbling incoherently. That’s when I knew she was ready. That’s when I stopped, took each of my hands and placed them above each ass cheek, dug my nails into her ass, and growled in her ear to cum. She literally convulsed on the bed from the intensity of it. You really have no idea how much I love doing that to her.
She sucked on me for awhile but the weather wasn’t doing me any favors. I think if the wind hadn’t of kicked up my arthritis as badly as it had I could have cum but I knew fairly early on it just wasn’t going to happen so I turned it around and focused on her. I had her get herself off simply by sucking my cock and then stopped the scene, bringing her up into my arms and just holding her. I’ve probably mentioned it before, but for a brief few seconds when I first hold her in my arms… the universe just stops. There’s no thoughts in my mind, I just go blank. All I feel is safe and loved and that she and I are the only two beings in existence. It doesn’t last long, but when people ask me if I love Grace now as much as I did when I first married her the answer is yes based on that feeling alone. Or possibly the answer could be no but only because the correct answer is I love her more now that I know more about her. Now that I know all her little idiosyncrasies that make her who she is.
Anyway, things are trending better but I’m still struggling here and there with this changeover. I’m hopeful it continues to get better and that things calm down now that Grace’s father has had his operation and maybe…just maybe I’ll see more of my Gracie and get to use her as only someone who owns her completely could.