Out of Commission…Again

Posted: 28th January 2012 by Duality in Dynamics, What's Happening

Grace and I haven’t been having a lot of luck health wise the last few days.  She has had some form of crud that has brought her tasks to a screeching halt and I pushed my luck today, did too much, and now my back is out and my left hip screams bloody murder at me if I try to put weight on it.  Hilariously I look at that last sentence and shudder to think what it would be like to diagram it.  Grammar and me no get along good.  Anyway, not a lot going on with the sexual front.  Grace did voice a fantasy to me about a Daddy roleplay that was kind of hot shortly before the health issues arose.  It involved me spanking her until she cried, her starting to get up thinking I’m done only to have me push her down onto a desk, and brutally fucking her up the ass as a way to further punish her.  Its not a realistic fantasy for her as she has problems with my cock and her ass, but that only seems to make her fantasize about it all the more.  The real encouraging thing was her actually voicing the fantasy.  It got me extremely hot and bothered, especially since we were already fooling around, and ended with me fucking her silly.  She’s just so shy and innocent sounding when she tells her fantasies.  I’m not sure she could really voice anything other then Daddy play right now, but even that is a huge improvement over where she used to be.  She has a lot of issues expressing herself, but is getting better.  I’m really proud of her.

So that’s what’s going on and why Grace went a tad silent this week.  Hopefully this weekend we can both get a little more healthy and get next week started right.  I plan on researching toys this weekend since I can’t do a whole of anything else.  Have a good weekend folks.

When It Counts

Posted: 25th January 2012 by Duality in warm fuzzies, What's Happening

In the last post I talked about fatigue and just needing sleep.  Shortly after that post I just completely ran out of steam.  I was exhausted, in pain, feeling sick,  and my spirit was lagging badly.  I knew Grace was going to be up for a bit and all I wanted was a dark place to crawl into a dark place and try to sleep.  So I opted for the futon in the living room.  Grace helped me get set up in there and when I asked for the blanket she refused.  She told me not until I was completely settled down.  She got me something to drink in case I needed it, fixed me an alka seltzer cold dose (that stuff is awesome by the way), and waited for me to get positioned in the futon.  Then she tucked me in.  She spread the blanket over me gently, tucked the blanket under my feet, stroked my head, and kissed my head.  There was nothing patronizing about these actions.  They were all done with love.

So at that moment I still felt sick, still felt exhausted, and still hurt… but my spirit was soaring.  I can’t really emphasize just how loved I felt at that moment.  Grace may have problems with intimacy on occasion, but not when it counts.

And then I passed out.  Ten hours later I’m up, feeling better, and in a pretty good mood.  But I’ll take it easy today just in case.  But I wouldn’t be feeling this good if it wasn’t for my Gracie.

Out of Toothpicks

Posted: 25th January 2012 by Duality in Energy, What's Happening

This is going to be an analogy story, so bear with me.  When you wake up in the morning, you have “X” amount of energy.  You also have “Y” amount of energy as a reserve.  Its that energy you get when you think to yourself something like “I just have to dig a little deeper to get this done”.  For the sake of simplifying things, lets convert “energy” into “toothpicks”.   So you wake up and you have 100 toothpicks to get you through the day.  Seems like a lot.  And to most people, it is.  But a lot of the things that may cost you zero toothpicks, cost me at least one or two.  By the time I get up out of bed, shower, brush my teeth, shave, and get dressed I could already be done 20 toothpicks.  If I’m having an especially bad day, it could go higher.  Now, when you need to, you can also borrow toothpicks from the next day.  But then you obviously are going to have less to work with the next day.  I’ve been doing a lot of borrowing lately.  And its caught up with me.

Its a tough thing to try to rally yourself to get something done and just not finding anything left within you to rally with.  Its demoralizing on a lot of different fronts.  Its something that I never really had to contend with until the last few years.  And I’ll admit that since the operation I’ve had a lot more good days then bad, which has been a pleasant change.  But to hit the point I’m at now where everything is a struggle is disheartening.  The depression is secondary to the overall fatigue.  The desire is there.  There’s just nothing to fuel it at the moment.  I borrowed day after day to get everything done that I’ve been getting done.  And I’m proud of all that I’ve been accomplishing lately.  But dear God do I hate this feeling.

I know my sleep has been screwed up and I know that’s a big contributor to this.  I’ve had some sort of weird anxiety going on every time I try to sleep.  I’ve only just gotten it somewhat under control and thought it was enough to combat the fatigue, but apparently not.  I’m going to see the doctor the first of the month to try to figure this out because I don’t want any more days like this.  And I’m afraid that I’m not going to bounce back from where I am very quickly.  So I don’t know whether to be cautious and rest or to try to shake it off tomorrow and get back on track.  When you have joint issues, that question always seems to be on your mind.  You never really know when you need to do one or the other.

Anyway, this post has mainly been me thinking this through and sorting it out in my head.  Sometimes I do that better by journaling.  Hopefully after some sleep I won’t be so damn emo.

Faith Rewarded

Posted: 23rd January 2012 by Duality in History

I’ve mentioned a couple of times a sort of dark period for Grace and I.  I’m still not going to go into the events that brought about the end of it and caused the current golden age that we are both now enjoy, but I figured I would talk about how I coped with the times that weren’t so great.

Just a recap on the things covered elsewhere:  Grace has social anxiety disorder and post traumatic stress disorder.  Some of this is genetics.  The vast majority of this comes from a family that could kindly be described as dysfunctional.  Grace simply didn’t have a lot of the social tools that many people take for granted.  So, there’s your background on that.

Grace and I met online and I was immediately drawn to her.  Because of my own… oh lets call them growing up eccentricities, I tend to be drawn to women who are wounded emotionally and are submissive.  If you want to go all Jung on this (because Freud was an idiot), then you’d ironically have to lay the blame on my mother.  Which should make Freud laugh in my face.  Anyway, even via just text messaging back and forth with her in the game we played, I could tell she was the type I was drawn to.  I was in another relationship at the time, but I still took Grace under my wing and began to help her.  We sort of had a faux bdsm relationship.  It was all done over text and occasionally over the phone.  Most of it was centered around getting her life on track.  She had just moved into her house and all her belongings were still mostly boxed.  She was just stuck where she was.  I used the structure of bdsm to get her organized and moving.  It didn’t take long to get Grace going in the right direction.  She got her driver’s license.  She went back to school.  And when the relationship I was in ended, Grace flew out to visit me to see if the chemistry was the same in person.  Obviously, it was.  For a time, things were really good.

That lasted until some time after I moved up here to live my life with her.  Her family really didn’t like someone else interfering with their influence over Grace and she quickly found herself trapped between two worlds.  The one she loved with me and the one she hated but felt obligated to be a part of with her family.  Bit by bit, the ground that we had gained was lost and Grace fell further and further into depression.  It didn’t take long for us to shelve our bdsm lifestyle and eventually all sex.

There are a lot of people who would have run at this point.  Things were breaking down between Grace and I.  She was getting more and more irritated and more withdrawn with each day.  It was not a pleasant experience.  But I knew Grace.  And I understood the situation.  And, perhaps most importantly, I understood that all the problems that were coming down on top of her were not of my doing.  I wasn’t adding to it one bit.  Because I knew Grace and understood the situation, I knew that eventually she would figure things out.  She would eventually figure out just how much of a cancer her family was and that the only way to get well again was to amputate the parts that were just too diseased to continue to carry with you.  But I also understood that I couldn’t tell her that.  I couldn’t make that argument.  Because then it would pit me against her family.  So I did the hardest thing I ever really had to do.  I sat there and took it.  Every passive aggressive insult thrown my way, I ignored or pretended as if I didn’t catch.  Whenever the family was becoming too overbearing on Grace, I’d interject and make myself the target of whatever the Hell they were upset with that day.  I really can’t emphasize enough what a bunch of nut cases most of these people are.  Her mother being the worst.  Its not that she lies.  Its that she got a divorce from reality.  She no longer has any relationship to it.  Whenever reality does stumble into her life, it doesn’t take her long for her to rewrite history and fix that problem.  And I had to let Grace make her own way through this offering only small bits of advice here and there.  Any more then that and I’d get sucked into the sick game her family was playing.  Grace had to do this on her own.  Really, it sucked.

But again, I knew Grace.  And I knew how valuable she was.  How special she was.  How simply amazing she was.  It wasn’t her fault she got dealt this horrible hand in life.  She had played it to the best of her ability and the fact that she wasn’t sitting in an asylum somewhere on as much lithium as they could pump into someone legally is a testament to her will as well as the goodness of her nature.  My parents, especially my mother, universally hated all of my previous girlfriends and especially the woman I married before Grace.  Hated.  The best I could ever get out of them was, “If you’re happy, we’re happy”.  When they met Grace for the first time and they got a minute alone with me where she was out of the room, I was told to not bother coming home again unless I married that girl.  THAT is how wonderful a soul Grace is.  People meet her and just want to protect her and be close to her.  And through some cosmic happenstance, she chose me to be her lover, her best friend, and her soul mate.

All through this dark time Grace would ask me if we would ever get back to the way things were.  I would always answer yes with so much conviction that she would immediately ask how I knew that.  Its because of everything I listed above.  I know her.  I knew what she was going through.  And I knew she had what it took to make it to the other side and what kind of a person she would be once she did finally make it there.  It took years for this to happen.  But I always knew my faith would be rewarded.

Counting to 20

Posted: 21st January 2012 by Duality in Scenes

I came into the bedroom to find Grace, naked, and sprawled out on the bed looking expectantly at me.  Well, well, well.  Somebody got motivated by my bratty post the other day.  So I decided to oblige her unsaid request.  Especially since she can have a maintenance spanking each day so long as she requests it from me.  She fought me a little as I got into bed, rolling away from me and playfully saying she had changed her mind.  A quick hair pull positioned her head where I could whisper sternly into her ear…

Me:  Who owns you?

Grace:  You do.

Me:  What can you deny me?

Grace:  Nothing.

Me:  And yet here you are denying me.  Such a bad, naughty thing.  I shall have to give you something special with this spanking.

I started out by spanking her at a fairly regular pace and with a good amount of strength behind the swings.  It didn’t take me long to have her squirming.  Just as she started to build a wall against the pain, I stopped.  I told her to roll over and present her front to me.  She did so reluctantly.  Then I positioned her hands at her sides and explained the rules.  She was to keep her hands at her sides, regardless of how badly she wanted to move them, until I told her otherwise.  If she did move them, I’d use the back scratcher as a paddle on her pussy.  THAT got her attention.  So as she mumbled things like “No no no” and “Please”, I began to very softly hit her nipples with the back scratcher.  I would increase the strength for a bit until she was well and truly squirming in the bed, then stop.  I’d suck on her nipple getting it nice and hard and sensitive.  I think I might have nibbled a little on them just for effect and to scare her into thinking I was going to bite.  I have very sharp front teeth.  And then I’d pinch them a bit to further get them hard and protruding.  Then I started smacking the hell out of that nipple with the back scratcher again.  During one assault, with her writhing in pain, I commanded her to cum.  I never stopped hitting her all through her orgasm.  Watching the mixture of please and pain on her face was exquisite.

When I had her panting and to the point of breaking on keeping her arms to the side, I switched gears.  I told her to turn back over and present her ass to me.  She tried to prop herself up on her elbows but I wasn’t having any of that.  I pushed her down onto the bed and then pushed and pulled her this way and that way so her nipples were dragging across the bedspread.  Fun.  Just pure fun.  And she whined and squirmed all through it.  But it was time to get serious again so I positioned myself by leaning against her lower back and proceeded to start spanking her ass HARD.  I wanted her to feel it.  I wanted her ass to hurt for awhile after I was done.  I needed it hurt for what I was going to do next.  Grace floated in and out of subspace as I assaulted her ass.  I could tell when she was in it because her squirming would stop and she would just lay there.  I’d try to keep the beats steady for a bit before changing pace or hitting even harder to snap her out of it and have her back where I could affect her thinking.

Eventually she was near tears and that was exactly where I needed her to be.  I stopped the spanking and commanded her to stay put.  I slipped in behind her, spread her legs, and laid down on top of her.  Her arms were still at her sides because I had told her to keep them there even after I had flipped her back over after the breast spanking.  I grabbed her wrists and started biting her ear.  I whispered into her ear to try to get away.

I think I’ve talked before about Grace’s…I guess fetish with having me lay on top of her.  She loves to feel trapped.  Just me doing that will put her into subspace.  She just sort of goes to a different place and revels in the panic of having someone hold her down like that.  After what I had already put her through, I knew I couldn’t do this particular aspect of the scene long, so I kept it short.  I ground my cock up and down her slit while making sure I was also grinding my body against the area of her ass that I just got through spanking.  And I made sure to move her up and down on the bed thus continuing to drag those nipples across the blanket.  I whispered into her ear to try to get away.  She begged for her arms to be let free so she could try and I told her that if she wanted her arms free, she would have to do it herself.  The struggle was short and I made her cum.  Cumming in that position is one of the most humiliating things Grace does.  At least in her mind.  Its the ultimate in being forced to do something you don’t want to do and, despite fighting against it with everything you have, you enjoy it.  And I know she enjoys it and I rub it in her face.  Which just gets her off on the entire scene that much more.

At this point, its time for me to get my pleasure, but I understand the state of mind she is in.  She’s been riding the anxiety and panic for a good 30 minutes by now and is a bit on the crispy side emotionally.  Understand that this is what she wants.  She will occasionally ask me to lay on her back, with no other foreplay just asking, just so she can get to where she is right now in the story.  So I gently pull her to me and embrace her.  I pet her hair in a comforting manner and murmur loving words to her as well as telling her how well she did.  I’ll do this for a minute or two and then we had this quick conversation:

Me (gently) :  You know what happens next, right.

Grace: Uh huh.

Me:  I’m going to count to 20 sweetie.  Okay?

Grace: Don’t count it out loud.

Me:  Okay babygirl.

This is the transitional period.  It also gives Grace the chance to safeword if the previous part of the scene has just taken too much from her.  I count to 20 very slowly in my head and all the while I’m comforting her and holding her in my arms.  Once I hit 20 I’ll look her in the eyes and kind of nod at her.  Sometimes I’ll ask if she’s read, but most of the time its nonverbal.  Its her last chance.  She almost always nods.  And then its my turn.

I grab her and drag her down the bed to my cock.  I’ll give her a few seconds once she’s there to sort of groom my cock.  Grace has long hair and it tends to get into everything.  My cock included.  So she makes sure its all clear and goes to suck my cock.  But I stop her.  I tell her to open her mouth and stick out her tongue.  She does, but as I bring my cock up to rub it against her tongue, she goes to suck it.  I pull my cock away and slap her face (another one of her fetishes btw) and tell her to do it right.  She does and I tease her with my cock for awhile.  Rubbing it on her tongue, her lips, and even slapping her face with it a few times.  Then I’ll line my cock up and shove her head down onto it and just start fucking her face.  Once she gets used to that, I’ll go deeper and hit her throat with my cock.  I love listening to her almost gargle whenever I go deep like that.  Its just a sexy sound to me.

Whenever we get to this point, the only thing Grace wants to do is suck my cock.  If I pull it way from her, she’ll be desperate to get it back.  She’ll do anything just so she can suck that cock again.  Her brain just isn’t functioning at a very high level.  I’ll get stuff like “Want cock” or “Noooo!  Suck!”.  Its fun to tease her when she gets like that.  Her whole being becomes trying to get me off and she takes great pleasure in doing that task.  If I let her cum as often as she likes (which when she’s sucking me is often because I love the feel of her moaning on my cock) its not unusual for her to cum 4 or 5 times.

On this day though, the weather and the work I’ve done around the house conspire against me.  I just don’t have the focus necessary for her to get me off in that way.  So we switched gears, went into some Daddy time, and I showed her a video of a couple roleplaying out the Daddy game so that Grace could get some ideas on how to talk to me during sex.  Its always hard for her to come up with things to say while being so involved in sex, so this was a good “educational” film.  We took turns stroking my cock and eventually I was able to get off…which I really, really needed.  Let me tell you, when you are in pain getting any kind of a release from your body helps.  Tension just makes things worse so a really good orgasm followed by that period where you just revel in the feel and relax?  Perfect.  Cumming either via Grace or by myself is one of my pain management techniques.

Anyway, there’s a scene for you that happened the other day and the mechanics and thoughts that went into it.  You know, writing what I’m supposed to be writing about in this journal.  heh.

Hotel Stories 4 (Fun at the Pool)

Posted: 20th January 2012 by Duality in Hotel Stories

Ah hotel pools.  A beacon to many a weary traveler.  And a temptation to do naughty things at 3 am when you don’t realize there’s a security camera watching you.  The first story under this topic takes place under those exact circumstances.  The hotel I was in had an indoor pool that was just down the hallway from the front desk.  The security camera gives a pretty good view of the entire area, which when you’re working night audit is a nice thing.  Kept me from constantly patrolling the halls.  So there I am, doing paperwork, when I look up and see a couple getting pretty hot and heavy in the pool.  Now I tend to be a fairly liberal minded guy.  I don’t mind you having some fun.  But I really didn’t want to treat the damn hot tub after these two got done.  So I get up and decide just to walk by and let them know they are being watched.  Except they have a lookout who warns them and so when I get to the pool, everything is normal.  Now, a normal person would see the hotel clerk come wandering by once and think to themselves that they are having some rotten luck.  By the third time I walked by, a sane individual would figure out, “Hey, maybe he can see us”.  But no.  By the time I’d get back to my desk, they’d go at it again.  So I go down and politely say that the pool isn’t clothing optional and sometimes we’ll have the very odd parent who wants to take their kid swimming at 3 am (happened more times then you’d think) and I’d appreciate it if they wouldn’t perform their extracurricular activities.  They stared me straight in the eye and told me they had no idea what I was talking about.  At this point, I’m just at that “Whatever” stage and go sit back and just watch the show.  I even popped popcorn.  Why?  Because these idiots were staying in a room that forced them to walk right in front of me on their way back to their room.  For a couple who had no problem fucking each other’s brains out in a public area, they certainly turned about 5 shades of red when they walked by and realized I had a front row show for their performance.

Now when I tell people I work audit at hotels that have pools I get the obligatory, “I bet you’ve seen your share of people going at it”.  Yeah, I have.  But what you need to understand is that the couple in the story above were very much the exception to the rule.  Most of the people I’ve caught fucking in the pool were not very pleasant to look at.  One couple I caught caused me to have a thought process something like this:

What is that guy doing?  Oh wait, there’s somebody in front of him I think.  Another guy.  Are they wrestling?  Wait, that’s not a guy.  Dear Lord that woman needs to shave her back.  I think I’ll just make some loud noise so I don’t have to see what the front looks like.

Teenagers are also drawn to the pool.  We had an outdoor pool at one hotel I worked at that we would close around 10 or so at night.  There was a subdivision that literally was across the street in the back of the hotel and we’d get the odd kids who would jump the fence and go swimming.  I kind of got tired of catching a particular pair every other week so I decided to fuck with them.  Instead of going up all mad, I walk up to the fence smiling and laughing a little.  Here’s what happened:

Kids:  Okay, you caught us.  We’ll get out.

Me:  No no.  You two stay in that water as long as you like.  So long as you understand we aren’t liable for what is going to happen to you.

Kids:  Um, what?

Me:  See, we treated the pool tonight with some pretty harsh chemicals.  I’m surprised you didn’t smell it.

Kids: (who are now scratching their skin) What kind of chemicals?

Me:  Well its the monthly shock.  Its designed to flush out any critters who are living in the system as well as eroding the residue that’s built up.  Kind of like an acid.

At this point the kids turn pale white, jump the fence, and haul ass.  I assume they both jumped in the nearest shower.  I can be evil at times.

The last story is also in the teenage category.  You can also file this one under “Don’t fuck with the night audit”.  It was spring break and we had a bunch of kids partying in the hotel.  Its somewhere between 2 and 3 in the morning and I’ve gotten yet another noise complaint about the indoor pool.  This isn’t the same hotel so there’s a bit of a walk involved and we sadly had no cameras at this place.  Now I’ve gone down and told the kids already to turn down the music.  This is warning number two.  So I go in, explain that if I got another noise complaint they wouldn’t be seeing me.  They’d be seeing the cops.  I know these kids are under age and I know they’ve got alcohol.  So I assumed they’d understand the threat.  They give me lip service, I turn around, reach for the handle to the door, and the little bastards turn their boombox they brought to the pool all the way up.  They didn’t even wait for me to leave.  Well, okay then.  I’m on a first name basis with the local cops anyway due to all the domestic nonsense I put up with.  Time to give my buddies a call.

What followed next is a tale of stupidity that truly boggles the mind.  Not only was their underage drinking, not only was there a few idiots who had girls with them that under the laws of the state constituted statutory rape, not only did a couple of the morons have marijuana on them at the pool when the cops showed up, one of the idiots that they arrested kicked out the back window on a police cruiser and made a run for it while the cops were up searching a room.  This idiot is running around, handcuffed, with a horde of now very pissed off police officers after him.  Seriously, I was struck speechless at the sheer stupidity of this group.  If Charles Darwin had met these kids he would have shot them all in the head for the betterment of the human race.  To top it all off, one of the kids was a son of a local judge that apparently is a hard ass in court to the police officers when they go in to testify for speeding tickets and the like.   The judge had thought his son was someplace else, so when his SUV turned up missing, he reported it stolen.  So he got booked for possession of drugs, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, and grand theft auto.  The cops knew they couldn’t get the last one to stick, but they wanted to really give it to the asshole judge.  That made the cops’ night.

Anyway, next time you’re at a hotel and think about getting into a pool, just remember these stories.  There really is no telling what all has taken place in that cement pond.

The Bratty Dynamic

Posted: 19th January 2012 by Duality in Dynamics, Scenes

Grace is a brat.  There really is no denying it and its something she revels in from time to time.  I understand the faction within the bdsm community that looks down their collective noses at those Doms who put up with brats and their general disdain of the practice.  But, as with most things in the bdsm community, unless you walk a mile in someone’s shoes and understand exactly what the dynamic at play is, its really hard to pass judgement.  What may sound like wife abuse to me is probably sexual bliss to someone else.  So that leads us to today’s topic, why does it work for Grace and I?

You need to understand that Grace is a very passive person.  Her upbringing was…. let’s go with different.  Beyond all the pitfalls of Mormonism you have a mother who would have been right at home with the cast of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”.  Oh, and she was heavily molested at several points in her life by several different people.  So Grace has a very difficult time approaching any situation head on.  She’s getting better at it, and is miles and miles away from how bad she used to be with it, but she still has a ways to go before she can attempt to take a baby calf by its budding horns much less a bull.

This passiveness of hers extends into sex and is, of course, one of the reasons she’s a submissive.  But it also causes her to be really unable to initiate sex.  She’s tried, of course.  But whenever she initiates, it almost always ends in an anxiety attack during or an aborted attempted before sex.  So this can leave her amazingly frustrated at times because she is human and will sometimes want sex before I do.  A shocking statement in and of itself, I know, but it does happen from time to time.  I’ve tried to find just about every loophole I could find to give her some sort of tool to be able to signal to me that she wants to do something, but they never really work.

The only thing that does work is being a brat.  Grace knows that if she challenges me, playfully and in the correct way, she can get me to react and that reaction almost always ends in sex.  For us, her being a brat is seduction.  Its her way to initiate something with me that doesn’t cause all kinds of emotional upheaval within her.  And it works well within the type of bdsm play (I guess play is the right word there, people get so picky with that word but it seems to fit) that we do.  Grace loves to feel overwhelmed.  I love exerting my control over her.  So she challenges me, I react, I overwhelm her, I take control, and great sex is had by all.

What you need to understand is that even with her being a brat, there exists a line of respect that she does not cross.  She knows exactly how far she can push me before she hits a point of real, honest to God anger.  She’s hit that point once or twice by accident.  Sometimes she doesn’t know when to shut her inner monologue off from her mouth.  When these times happen she is suitably contrite and apologetic almost before I can fully react.  She knows when she’s screwed up.  She’s not being a brat to be disrespectful to me.  She’s being a brat because its the only way she knows how to communicate with me on a sexual level.

An example of this kind of encounter would go something like this:

Grace (after watching something on TV like a man yanking a woman down to the ground): You’d never be able to do something like that to me.

Me:  Really? (I say that word in a dangerous tone.  Its effectively me asking, “Do you really want to do this?”)

Grace:  Nope.  No way in Hell you could do it. (Which is Grace saying, “Yep.  I really do want to do this”)

Its at this point that I will quickly grab her by her hair at the nape of her neck and yank her face over to mine.  Its done so swiftly she can’t react and with enough strength that even if she did react I’d still be able to overpower her)

Me: So little girl.  (I’ll bend my head and take a sharp intake of air through my nose right next to her ear… which she totally gets off on) Get out of my grasp now.

What follows is her honestly trying to get away.  She’ll do everything in her power to get away from me.  I’m 6 foot 4.  She’s 5 foot 4.  Do the math.  It ain’t happening.  When I have her completely overwhelmed I’ll yank her top and bra off, pull my pants down, and fuck the living hell out of her face while taunting her and giving her face an occasional slap.  The slap sometimes comes from my dick just to add punctuation to the entire encounter.  I’ll make her get herself off while I fuck her face.  I make sure that she knows its not for her pleasure.  Its because I like the vibrations her mouth makes on my dick as she cums.  Her pleasure is incidental.  And finally I’ll cum down her throat.

Its in the moments after the climax that Grace’s submission really shines.  She’ll lay curled up on my side with her head in my lap softly suckling on my cock making sure she gets ever last drop of cum from me.  Its gentle and loving and screams “I am yours”.

As with all things bdsm, it may not be your cup of tea, but it works for us.

Grace moved (kinda)

Posted: 19th January 2012 by Duality in What's Happening

Just a quick note to let folks know Grace has started a new blog.  You can find it at http://dailysubmissions.blogspot.com.  I’m not going anywhere.  So there.  I now return you to your perverted fantasies already in progress.

Marriage and the Global World

Posted: 14th January 2012 by Duality in Uncategorized

Today is more of an editorial then anything else.  Been a grumpy kind of day for a variety of reasons (pain, Saints lost, lack of sleep), but I wanted to get something up.  I’ve been tossing this particular post around for a bit so I may as well throw it out there.

Grace and I met over the internet.  Had the internet never been created (thank you Al Gore) then we would have never met.  We lived 3 time zones away from one another so the accidental bumping into one another at the store was a bit of a long shot.  The whole process made me reevaluate the whole “destruction of marriage” argument that has been bandied about for the past decade or so.  It was always hard to argue against the stat that over half of marriages end in divorce.  How could you argue against it?  But I am.  I think its time to call it for what it really is.  A marriage correction.

Up until the 1950s, the available pool of people you had to choose from to marry was limited to probably three towns or so.  Nobody really traveled all that much.  And compared to now, the choices of what interested you was also pretty limited so the diversity of candidates was all but homogenized.  The first domino fell with television, which opened up a whole new world outside your limited living confines.  The second was cheap, available travel which opened up a business class that became more and more mobile.  As telecommunications grew, the workforce became even more mobile then ever.  Suddenly the static hometowns became more and more infiltrated with diverse new people.  And as diversity poured in, the limited interests you and your spouse once shared began to grow even smaller.  Its not that people didn’t care for the sanctity of marriage when they divorced.  Its the fact that when they first got married they had no idea who they would become and what options in mates would filter into their dating range.  The final domino was the internet.  The old boundaries of where you could find a potential mate simply dissolved.  You now literally find someone anywhere on earth, connect with them, fall in love, and move to a place where you both can live.

Anyway, that’s really all my point is.  The world change and marriage is adapting to it.  I think once we get more used to a world with very few boundaries the divorce rate will start to correct back some.  It won’t ever be at the Catholic level of one marriage, stick it out, and no other solution level again.  But I think the institution will carry on just fine.  After all, marriage is about love.  And sometimes you get married not understanding what it is love is all about.  I know I did.  I’m just happy I live in a time and place where I could meet the woman who is my soul mate.  And I’m truly blessed to be able to live the rest of my life with her.

What To Get?

Posted: 12th January 2012 by Duality in What's Happening

So I’ve decided to start expanding our toy collection this year and I’m trying to decide what to get first.  The choices I’m looking at are a flogger, a cane or some other thin type item, or a handcrafted paddle.  We know someone who does the paddles in town and can make them to order, though they can get pricey.  The paddle holds that allure of being unique, but the flogger just looks like so much damn fun.  I’ll probably pass on the cane type instrument for now.  I’m not sure which way I’ll go between the flogger and the paddle.  I may have to explore what kind of paddle we can get first.  It might be one of those where while I figure out the specific design for the paddle I can get the flogger to hold me over.

Beyond the fun of trying to figure that one out, things continue sort of stop and go-ish.  There’s still a lot of adjusting to do and some nerves to get past, probably for the both of us.  Grace isn’t the type I can just grab by the throat and make her bend to my will.  Well, not every time at least.   The change in dynamic has caused her anxiety to explode so I’m doing everything in my power to show her that things aren’t that different then normal when it comes to making sure she is in a healthy and beneficial place.  She is, after all, continuing to expand in her life and break away from her old self that was weighed down by so many family issues and become the person she wants to be.  I can understand the fear of having the freedom to be whoever you want to be while simultaneously giving yourself over to be controlled by someone else even when that is what you want to have happen with your life.  So we’re adjusting.

I have to say I like the sexual tension that always seems to be present, though.  Its nice to have that charge there even if I want to let it simmer for awhile.  If anything, that’s been the big improvement our new dynamic has brought to us.  I can’t wait for her to get more comfortable in her skin.  Oh the things I shall do to her.  You can insert the evil grin and the hands rubbing together like a Bond villain here if you like.  Because I’m totally doing that inside my head.