Upon Further Review

Posted: 17th February 2012 by Duality in What's Happening

Having had enough of the whole not being able to orgasm thing, I decided to do some research into the medication I was taking.  It seems Zoloft is pretty infamous for this little side effect.  So at least I know exactly what is going on instead of just largely suspecting it.  And there are some things that can be done to help with it should I not be able to shrug off these effects.  If at the first of March I’ve still got this problem, I’ll make the doctor’s appointment and see what we can do.  The over the counter remedies, and surprisingly there are some, all come with some serious warnings about not taking them in conjunction with a list of medications that probably include 75% of what I take.  So I’ll not mess with that until I get an all clear from the doc.  Just as an FYI, the best looking one is Yohimbine which you can actually get prescribed or buy a probably less pure version at any health food or GNC type store.  Just read up on it first before you mess with it.

To say this has caused some tension between Grace and I would be an understatement.  She’s been floating on a sexual bliss since Monday and I’ve been sexually frustrated since a little before that.  She’s also had to heal up from her flogging which has left her really unable to try to help me with my own problems.  As each day has passed the tension and resentment by me kind of built up.  It exploded a little last night when Grace chose an unfortunate choice of words to reply to me coming onto her.  There’s just not going to be a quick fix to this, sadly.  Her father goes into surgery today for what will hopefully be an outpatient and routine procedure.  But they are checking for things that may cause him to stay longer.  So she’s worried and anxious about that.  Until that situation clears up and another situation I can’t get into clears up, there’s probably not going to be much intimacy between the two of us.  Which is just going to leave me even further in the frustrated category.

Its also kind of hard to tell how much of this impatience and frustration is caused by simply not being able to cum and how much of it could possibly be caused by the Zoloft.  If Zoloft is going to leave me feeling this way regardless as to whether or not I cum, then I’d rather not be on it thank you very much.   Of course the only other real option I have for my panic disorder that the doc seems to think I have is Prozac which is a drug I’d prefer to avoid.  I’ve known too many people who have taken that particular drug and had things go from bad to worse on them because of it.  So….bleh.

Okay, enough whining.  Having a plan of action helps a little.  But Dear God do I have a serious case of blue balls at the moment.  When I do finally cum its going to be like a damn geyser.


Posted: 16th February 2012 by Duality in What's Happening

I really hate switching my medications around.  Especially the ones that either screw with mood or the ones designed to calm my nerve endings down so they aren’t firing off so damn much.  It takes awhile for the old drug to get out of my system and the new drug to fully establish itself enough to where I can get used to it.  The most recent switch is manifesting itself in two “fun” ways.  The first I’ve hit on before and that’s excessive sleep.  I’m hoping that may finally be evening out because I’m really tired of being tired all the time.  I had more energy when I was only sleeping 4 to 5 hours a night.  The second bit of fun is an inability to cum.  Yeah, nothing quite like watching your wife perform one of the most erotic things you’ve ever witnessed her doing and not being able to do anything with it.  I’ve tried just about everything to get there, especially on my own just to get that release that I need at this point and I just can’t get there.  Its especially frustrating because cumming is one of my pain management techniques.  Its a great way to shoot your body full of endorphins and the release tends to relax the muscles which gives added relief.  And I haven’t been able to do that in well over a week at this point.  My hope is as the sleep gets fixed and my constant tiredness abates this too will be fixed because it stands to reason that whatever is sapping my energy would be screwing with my libido.  At least that’s my hope.  If it keeps up, there will be another doctor visit in my future.  But for now?  Just so damn frustrating.


Posted: 15th February 2012 by Duality in Scenes

Kind of continuing with “What I learned from the flogging” stream of thought here.  What you need to understand is that when its done right, the submissive really doesn’t have any idea just how much actual damage is being done to them during the flogging.  Oh sure, there’s pain.  And there will be pain that will make them hop about, curl their toes, and suck in air… but there is also so much endorphin coursing through their veins that the large percentage of the pain is shrugged off as they float into subspace.  Think about this way, this was Grace’s first flogging.  She suffers from social anxiety disorder and post traumatic stress disorder.  She was topless and only wearing very thin panties in front of someone who was not me.  She was being touched in an intimate manner by someone who wasn’t me.  The touching never got too intimate, but if you don’t have a shirt on and someone is rubbing your back, shoulders, and neck you can bet their is some kind of sexual charge going on.  And the most continuous type of pain scene she and I have done previous to this event lasted maybe 20 minutes or so and that was a spanking.  Her back is largely virgin territory.  The only “hits” to her back I’ve given her were meant more to relax then to cause pain.  So, add all that up and you have the potential for a tremendous amount of anxiety.  Yet, it never came into play.

Grace was in la la land for most of the scene.  Oh, she still was functioning on a level where she could communicate quite easily.  But her endorphin level was so sky high that registering thoughts beyond the here and now simply wasn’t happening.  So you could ask her what 1 plus 1 is and get an answer, but if you gave her 3 words to remember and asked her 5 minutes later what those three words were, she wouldn’t have been able to tell you.  I doubt she would have remembered being told the words to begin with.  So as a Dom, you have to be aware that if you’re doing your job right its going to be up to you to determine just how much actual damage you’re doing to your sub.  You need to be very aware that the normal pain limits are going bye bye.  its going to take a tremendous amount of concentration and focus on your part to make sure things stay where they need to stay and don’t go too far.  Otherwise you’re going to have a very uncomfortable conversation with some medical professionals and probably have an even more uncomfortable conversation with a member of the local police department.

I’ve already talked some about the aftercare that the sub is going to need.  When the endorphin level drops, the reality of just what all occurred is going to come crashing down on your sub and its going to happen in a hurry.  They’re going to go from happy as can be to “Oh Dear God don’t touch me there!” pretty quickly.   From my research I can tell you vitamin K is really good for helping with the healing process.  I even read where you can get the vitamin K gel capsules, cut them in half, and squeeze the pure vitamin K right onto the skin.  But honestly I’m thinking the lotions out there that have it as an additive would work well.  And of course an ice pack to help with the inflammation.  Grace made a fatal error with her aftercare.  See, I know back pain and wanted to rub her down with some lotion and put on the ice pack but she declined.  Grace is used to my spanking scenes where the pain fades relatively quickly.  She wanted to feel this pain longer and revel in it while it lasted.  She greatly underestimated just how much damage was done and how long it was going to hurt.  We’re two days out now and she’s still pretty damn sore.  One of these days she’s going to learn to listen to me about back pain, and on that day I figure the Rapture will start.  Love you, baby.

But beyond the sub’s aftercare, you need to understand that the Dom is going to need some aftercare too.  Talia was pretty adamant that Grace send her a note later that evening to let her know that she’s doing okay and then to call her in two days so that she could get a further update on how she’s doing.  Now Talia is a sadist.  That’s what gets her off.  But even a sadist has to know that they haven’t breached any of the trust that they’ve built up with a sub.  They need to know that they didn’t go too far.  They need to know that everything is okay.  There is a worry and guilt level that is attached to all of this.  A normal human being just can’t beat another human being and go about their day like nothing happened.  Sociopaths, sure.  But not normal human beings.  I know I’m going to be at least at that level when I do my first solo flogging of Grace if not worse.  This time wasn’t bad because I really was far more focused on the education of everything then I was with how hurt Grace was getting.  I trusted Talia and I always positioned myself so that I could either see Grace’s face or see the blows on her back so I knew on a fundamental level that things were happening the way they were supposed to.  And I had trust in Grace to safeword if she felt things were going too far.  So I was largely insulated from that topdrop that I’m sure Talia got hit with.  Especially since Grace just exudes this kind of empathy with people.  You meet Grace, you get to know Grace, and you want to protect her.  She just has that personality or inner archetype.  However you want to put it.  So hurting her kind of goes against your nature.

I’m not entirely sure how the aftercare is going to work for us when we both need a measure of it at the same time.  Some of it will be very complimentary.  She will need to be reassured that everything is okay and I’m going to want, if not need to give her that assurance.  But there will also come a point where she will need to be left alone.  Where she can decompress and deal with the endorphin crash.  Balancing that against my need to make sure she’s okay will take time to figure out the correct way of going about it, but Grace and I communicate very well with one another so in the end I think it will be okay.

Anyway, I think that’s all for now on the flogging.  I’ll probably report when Grace’s back is healed enough for us to start considering round two with Talia, but I’m pretty sure I’ll move on to other topics unless any of you guys have questions.  It occurs to me that I never really encourage that.  If any of you have questions about any of this, feel free to ask.  Neither of us mind.

More on the Flogging

Posted: 14th February 2012 by Duality in Scenes

So remember when I had trouble sleeping?  Well that problem got solved.  The pendulum has swung to the other extreme now and I’m hoping I’m just catching up on sleep and adjusting to new medications because sleeping 9 to 10 hours a night plus a 3 to 5 hour “nap” during the day is getting kind of old.  But I digress.  Having awoken from my nap I have a much clearer mind to talk more about the scene from yesterday and possibly explain a few more things a tad more clearly.

First thing is first, this wasn’t a normal kind of hurty scene for Grace and I.  Pain tends to be transitional in nature for us in scenes.  You move from confrontation into pain into sex.  With the scene with Talia, there was no confrontation and there was no sex.  And where a scene between Grace and I might last an hour on the high end of things (with the rare occasion where it would go longer) this scene was simply put a marathon for 3 hours.  And the emphasis is on the marathon.  There were no sprints.  It built with intensity from soft to hard and different floggers were used for the different stages.  I can’t really stress enough how much I learned yesterday about the different types of flogger materials and what they do.  I really need to correspond a bit with Talia about the different materials and which were spongy and which were very hard to try to figure out which floggers I’m going to get first.

All along the way Talia would patiently explain why she was doing what she was doing and answer all questions.  Once I saw how she would use a flogger in a particular way, I would attempt to recreate the movement and once again Talia showed an extreme amount of patience with me as I fumbled through moving the flogger just right.  She showed where to hit, where not to hit, and why.  And she gave some good advice to those out there who are just beginning to use the flogger on the back.  Get a towel, roll it up, and put it on a sub’s neck.  You’re going to screw up and hit their neck, best to just accept that fact and protect it.  For a beginner, though, I did fairly well.  I had good control and since this was a situation where I wanted to learn as much as possible, if I ran across a technique I was having a lot of difficulty with I would get it down just enough to know how to practice with it in the future and let her move on to the next thing to learn.

This entire scene was…..different.  The sadism that Grace and I have used in the past was always a means to an end.  I’ve never actually done a scene completely in a sadistic mindset before.  Its going to take some experimentation to see how far I can go with it and how much pleasure I can derive from just punishing Grace.  The one thing that probably works in both of our favor there is its not like flogging her like we did yesterday could be something that could be done on a daily basis.  Her back is riddled with welts and hematoma type bruising.  To say she is sore is a slight understatement.  So there is a certain amount of aftercare that has to take place after such a harsh scene.  And its not just physical, these scenes will push your endurance on the emotional end as well.

But I can see a lot of uses for the flogger outside of the marathon sessions.  I can see where it can definitely spice things up a bit in bed and in the D/s relationship.  So I think I’m sold on getting the flogger first regardless as to how pretty the paddles are.  Now its just a matter of which one to get.  Its sounding like we’re going to get a duct tape flogger from a friend here shortly if not today.  She makes them and apparently gets pretty intricate with them.  Grace is currently sitting with her after she had a minor outpatient procedure today so a flogger would be her way of saying thank you for doing that for her.  Especially considering she’s spending most of Valentine’s day with her instead of me.  Which is okay, yesterday was really our Valentine’s Day.  Today is more about recuperating and reflecting.

So Happy Valentine’s Day to everybody.  Hope its a good one with lots and lots of kinky sex.


Posted: 13th February 2012 by Duality in Scenes

Hmm.  So where exactly to begin with this?  Today was the day where the local Dom came over with her bag of toys to allow us to sample and see what we thought of them.  The focus today was on floggers.  She had an entire suitcase full of floggers.  From the duct tape kind all the way up to some very heavy leather types.  It was very much kid in a candy store time for me.  Now, unbeknownst to me, Grace had contacted this Dom… lets call her Talia just to keep her name safe and so I don’t have to keep referring to her as “The Dom”… and told her she’d like to take her shirt off for this encounter.  She correctly assumed I wouldn’t think she would do it.  But Gracie pushed quite a few boundaries today.  She presented herself as the target for all these wonderful toys wearing only panties and her collar.

I’ll be honest, I really didn’t know what to expect or how I would react to what all would be going on.  But as we worked through the different items and I was shown the various techniques in how to use the floggers on Grace’s back, buttocks, and breasts, it all just sort of became a learning experience for me.  Talia did most of the work with the floggers really for two reasons.  One, I wanted to observe and learn as much as I could.  And two, Grace had heard stories of just how far Talia could push a submissive and wanted to see how far she could go under the circumstances.  I also served as a safety net for Talia as she had never worked with Grace before and Grace has all these psychological issues that had the potential for cropping up during the encounter so whenever the whippings got ramped up, I would move to where I could watch Grace’s face to look for signs of distress.

It was all very interesting to me.  From how to use the floggers to get different sensations to watching Talia and Grace’s faces as each did their thing.  But then the psychology of the bdsm lifestyle has always held a special interest to me.  Everything was very professional and proper.  Yes Talia touched Grace, but never in the front.  I had given Grace permission to cum before the event got started but she never did.  Though, apparently, there was one point where Talia raked her nails on Grace’s back that pretty much turned Grace into a pile of jelly.

There was talk afterwards about getting together at Talia’s house for further play with more toys and its something that we are pretty amenable towards.  I think Grace really wants to be pushed hard and Talia is someone she can trust to do this especially with me being there to safeguard things.  All I do know is I’m going to be buying a flogger soon.  So much fun.  So very much fun.

Anyway, that’s all my thoughts on it for the hear and now.  Grace is pretty drained from the encounter so her own musings will probably be slow to show up and broken up over a few days.  At least that’s the feeling I’m getting from her on the subject.  So…yeah.  Fun.

Sleep Broken, But Fixed

Posted: 11th February 2012 by Duality in What's Happening

Sleep had become a very large problem for me.  It would take me forever to get to sleep and even when I did pass out from exhaustion I’d sleep about five hours.  It started sometime around the operation, but I dismissed it as, you know, being part of the re-cooperation process.  But things got progressively worse, not better.  I was just having mild anxiety attacks every time I’d try to sleep.  Nothing serious, but enough to keep me awake.  So first of the month I went and saw my nurse practitioner to see what she could track down.  The long story short of it being my anti-depressants that I had been on for years were severely screwing with me.  So she weened me off of them, put me on a new one, and gave me some stuff that is like Valium to aid in the transitional period.  The net result of that, thus far, is that I’m getting more overall sleep… its just broken up a bit.  I’ll sleep 4 or 5 hours, be up for about 6, then sleep another 3 or so more hours.  Not ideal, but its an improvement.

Tonight I might have been able to sleep the whole night for once… but Grace wanted to snuggle with me.  I didn’t mind this at all.  It was nice just to lay tangled up in each others arms, gently touch one another, and just float there for awhile.  Nothing really sexual occurred, though she did offer.  I just wanted her to get some rest and enjoy feeling her in my arms.  Sleep I can find.  That feeling of laying there where the whole world could go to Hell and I wouldn’t notice or care?  Not as easy to find or replicate.  I can take whatever I want from her.  Its something we are both keenly aware of.  But that feeling of safety and love can’t be taken.  It has to be given.  And its a gift worth far more then sleep.

Set The Date

Posted: 8th February 2012 by Duality in What's Happening

So we had our meeting with the local Dom that Gracie knows and had a pleasant enough conversation with her.  It would appear this coming Monday shall be the day that I get to sample some instruments to use.  There really wasn’t much of a negotiation process as this is going to be a low key, friendly encounter with a very limited agenda but I did go ahead and give her permission to use Grace as an example to show me different techniques.  It should be a fun and interesting experience and should push my boundaries a bit, which I think is a good thing.  Oh, Grace’s will be pushed to, but then that’s what she is in this lifestyle for.  I’m generally not used to being pushed myself, more the pushee so to speak.  But it was a good met.  Had some good food, looked at pictures of paddles and floggers on her I-phone, and told funny stories.

When we got home, I just sort of collapsed.  Which was kind of odd because I hadn’t been dreading the meeting really and had a very good time.  But I guess I’m still down on sleep and just ran out of gas.  So sorry there’s not a lot of specifics to what all went on.  I slept for a couple of hours and the details just aren’t as fresh as they once were.  But the gist of it is still there.  Anyway, more as there is more to tell.


Posted: 6th February 2012 by Duality in Dynamics, What's Happening

In a perfect world, Grace signs the contract and on January 1st everything contained in the contract instantly begins to occur and continue to occur without any further discussion or issue.  Oh yeah, and the Saints win the Super Bowl.  But this isn’t a perfect world.  Its a cruel world where the Saints lose in San Francisco and many other things don’t go quite as you planned them to.  Grace is struggling a bit right now and things came to a mini-head last night when I started to assign this weeks tasks and she asked that the tasks be put off until she has a better grasp as to what is currently dragging her down.  Now, I know what’s dragging her down.  Its lack of sleep, PMS, her father having a cancer scare, and her fear of failure with the contract.  Its not exactly a pleasant mix to contend with for her and its causing all sorts of anxiety and depression issues with each symptom exasperating the other.

So I’ve been pretty forgiving all through this.  The high anxiety has caused her to get sick more then once and its caused her to miss multiple task days.  But I haven’t really punished her for those.  The only punishments that have really been given out centered around specific things that she should have gotten done and didn’t that either caused me to have to do them or for when she forgot to wear her collar around the house once.  I have largely been positive about starting each week as a new opportunity to get back on track instead of focusing on the things that haven’t been getting done.  So her coming to me and asking me to set aside the tasks without even attempting them?  Yeah, that didn’t fly so well.  So I gave her the only response I could give her under these circumstances.

“That’s fine.  But you aren’t allowed to wear the collar until such a time as you take the tasks up again.”

That brought her up short.  See, if you’re going to effectively walk away from the contract, even temporarily, then you’re going to walk away from its benefits as well.  You can’t have it both ways.  This forced her to sit down and have a conversation with me, which is what I wanted her to do to begin with.  If you’re going to make a big decision like shelving the contract, that tends to be something you should probably discuss with your Dom.  Just saying.  Anyway, she asked me my opinion on the matter and I pretty much gave the answer I said in the first paragraph.  That her problems getting tasks done have nothing to do with the D/s aspect of things and everything to do with what all is going on around her at the moment.  There’s just a tremendous amount of stress.  Now, if she feels she needs to concentrate on those areas of her life and she can better do that without the constraints of the contract, I can understand and empathize with that.  But I’m still firm on the no collar bit.  But I really think she just needs to keep plugging away at it.  I never give her tasks that set her up for failure.  They tend to be tasks that don’t take a lot of time because I know they look bigger in her head then they really are and I’d rather give her some momentum before assigning tasks that are a bit more difficult.

She asked me how I knew that she could do these things.  I find that question hilarious but held in my laughter on it.  She asked me for 3 years how I knew we’d get back to the D/s lifestyle.  She asked me for a year how I knew we’d get back to even just having sex.  I’m reasonably sure that since I was right on those two rather massive details that its a safe bet that I can get her to do a load of laundry, vacuum a room, and dust the walls and ceiling in a single day.  Comparatively speaking, its a way easier thing to believe in and have patience in.  And just to have a nice “D’aww” moment, the only thing I have more for my Gracie then patience is love.  She’s worth it.  And she’ll get back on the right track.  She always does.  Just sometimes it takes her a little while to figure out the right way to get on that track.


Posted: 2nd February 2012 by Duality in Scenes, What's Happening

Grace, as I may or may not have mentioned…remember my memory is Swiss cheese, is involved with the local bdsm community.  One of her friends in said community is a female Dom who apparently has a lot of spanking implements.  Grace told me that said friend would be willing to come over and let us sample said items so that we could have a better idea of what worked and what didn’t work for her.  This caused a discussion, as you can well imagine.  Both of us are extremely new to the whole sharing spankings with others type situation.  So for me, the first questions centered on etiquette and the like.  Then I asked about what type of items and how Grace would be dressed.  She really hadn’t considered everything on that topic.

See, one of the items is a flogger.  And while Gracie was focused on how things would feel on her ass, to which she reasoned light shorts being enough modesty while preserving the sting, she hadn’t fully explored the thought of what I would do with the flogger type instruments.  And when I told her that she probably wouldn’t be able to wear a bra, it caused a pause from her.  See, I’m not going to have a flogger in my hand without using it on her breasts.  That simply isn’t going to happen.  But she considered everything and said, “You know what?  Fuck it.  I want to do this”.  Which, I have to admit, made me smile.

Now, understand that the Dom I’m talking about here is a fully trained in etiquette, does seminars on various subjects in the lifestyle, full on Dom.  If she’s coming over to show us these items she’s going to demonstrate their proper use.  Which means allowing someone other then Me to touch My Gracie.  That gave me pause.  I have to admit that I have the male double standard when it comes to these types of things though.  If it was a male we were talking about, I’d be against it.  But because its a female, I’m more okay with it.  I fully admit I’m a hypocrite and I’m okay with that.  It will be a nice test to see how well we play with others and whether attending play parties might be something for us to consider.  I’m not sold on that yet, but if Grace responds well to this encounter it would begin to move my opinion in the other direction.

I’m not sure when this will happen.  We’re going to have lunch with her first just so I can meet her.  See I still haven’t attended a meeting yet, though I’m getting closer to going I think, and I’d rather our first meeting not effectively be “Nice to meet you, would you like to spank my wife now?”.  Call me old fashioned, but I’d at least like to have some sort of baseline with someone before that happens.  Now, just to be clear, we’re only talking spanking and some breast play that will all involve Grace wearing clothes.  Even if the stars align and somehow an article of clothing is removed from Grace so that the instruments hit flesh… that is as far as it goes.  Period.  Though I’m sure the situation will play heavily into some fantasies that I weave for Grace later.  I’m evil that way.

New Week

Posted: 31st January 2012 by Duality in Dynamics, Scenes

There’s been a stop and go quality to the D/s component of Grace and mine’s relationship since I collared her at the beginning of the year.  Its not anyone’s fault, just some winter time illnesses that have clogged up the works from time to time.  So I impressed upon Gracie that I wanted her to attack this new week head on with a renewed commitment to her submission to me.  And she did not disappoint.  She did all of her tasks on time, with no encouragement from me, and had an excellent attitude all day long.  Besides illnesses, anxiety has clogged up some of the progress as well.  There is a fear to not being able to do this that she has.  I suppose that’s a common thing that sub’s must go through especially when you consider that “not being worthy” can be a kink in and of itself.  When you get off on someone telling you that all they are good for is to be a fuck toy, it can kinda screw with your world view from time to time.  So I decided to change tactics.

Before I was trying to be just… hard, unmovable, and perhaps a tinge of contempt.  Things that I know she gets off on.  But that really doesn’t help anxiety.  It may make her panties wet, but when your head is so turned around that you can’t see straight, there’s not a lot of point in wet panties.  You aren’t going to be able to do anything with them when she’s in that state.  So I softened.  I fell back to calling her “pet”.  I cooed at her, stroked her hair, and praised her accomplishments.  It had the desired effect.  She became more calm and submissive.  And incredibly eager to please.  That’s not to say I’m going to be pliant, mind you.  Its just that the leverage I use against her will come from a different angle and with a softer pressure.  But the rules stay the same.

I decided when she was done with her tasks that I was going to use her a little bit.  Last night was not a good night for me.  I didn’t actually fall asleep until around noon today and then only slept for about four hours.  Just too many things going wrong.  I had a generalized flair up going on that was being aggravated by a windstorm.  After I got up though, things began to improve.  The pain lessened and my left hip decided to actually function.  I got a bit done around the house, but was still fatigued from the lack of sleep.  But there was this odd tension I was feeling.  Not stress, not anxiety…just tension.  So I figured I would attempt to get a release.  I honestly didn’t think it would go anywhere, but Grace sucking my cock gently has a nice calming effect on me in the right circumstances so I figured I would go with that.  The pain I have been in this winter has made staying hard and getting to a climax difficult.  There is just too much going on for me to really get there, so to speak.  But like I said, I can never go wrong with Grace sucking my cock, so I told her to strip and come to bed.

I held her in my arms for a little bit, just enjoying the skin on skin feel, and continued what I had done all day.  Stroking her hair, calling her pet, and telling her that she was a good girl.  I told her to masturbate while she sucked on me, but not to cum unless she first asked.  I had no intention of teasing her with that action on this occasion.  I do a lot of times.  Tell her no, let it build, then tell her to cum.  But this time I wanted to keep things simple and low energy.  She told me “Yes Sir” and slithered down the bed to my cock.  And that’s when things got interesting.

I don’t know whether it was the aforementioned odd tension I was feeling, I don’t know if it was the way Grace was sucking me, I don’t know if it was the mewling and moaning she was doing as she masturbated as she sucked me, but I got hard.  Like hammer nails through steel hard.  I let her get herself off twice and then I commanded her to cum once just to make sure she was good and wet, and then I flipped her onto her back and slipped my cock into her.  I’d be damned if I was going to throw away this opportunity.  It had been entirely too long since I was balls deep inside of her and it felt amazing.  And for once, the stars aligned for me.  There was very little pain and I was in complete control of myself.  This wasn’t going to be a quick fuck after getting a blowjob and emptying my cum into her cunt.  No no no.  I was going to enjoy this.

I slowly pumped in and out of her just enjoying the feel for a bit.  Then I lowered myself down and put my nose right by her ear.  She loves it when I breathe through my nose next to her like that.  She knows I’m about to say something.  Something dark just to wind her up.  Since I still wanted to keep this low key, I decided on using an old standby.  I said, “You know what I should do after I empty myself into your cunt?”.  She shook her head at me as she continued to gasp from my steady strokes and I continued, “I should pull my cock out and make you clean it off with your mouth”.  She took a deep intake of breath and shook her head.  I smiled at her and said, “You’d do it.  And do you know why you’d do it?”.  She gave the correct reply, “Because you own me”.  And I made her cum.  Grace has an aversion to that particular sexual act.  Its an odd aversion because there have been occasions when she’s sucked my cock after sex with zero prompting or suggestion from me.  But most of the time she recoils from it.  I honestly think she clings onto the aversion simply because she gets off on the fact that I do make her clean my cock that way from time to time.  She loves it when I make her do dirty things that she doesn’t want to do.

I fucked her more and continued to whisper things in her ear.  I don’t remember any of them at this point, I just remember her shaking her head from side to side going crazy as I fucked her.  Eventually I decided that I had pushed my luck enough and just started hammering her.  Just hard and fast.  And when I came, I gave a primal, guttural moan as I pushed as deeply into her as I could and reveled in the feel of putting my cum where it belonged.  So…fucking…good.

After that, we just enjoyed the afterglow.  I held her close, stroked her hair, and told her how amazing she did.  Right before we ended the cuddling and went back to doing our own thing before bed, I held her tight to me squeezing her close.  I simply said one word.  Mine.  Because she is.