Still No Sleep Till Brooklyn

Posted: 13th March 2012 by Duality in What's Happening

Last night was not fun.  Still not exactly fun, but at least its better then it was.  At one point my pain level hit a point where I was nauseous from it.  Nothing like staring at the commode and wondering if you’re going to throw up.  Its an incredibly frustrating time for me.  Back in January I felt like I finally had gained some control over my body.  There was a plan in place and I could trigger the plan at my leisure.  Now?  Not so much.  Everything is in a hold until we figure out what is causing my body this much distress.  I’d rather not try to recover from major surgery when I can’t sleep or get any rest.  I may have to if we can’t figure anything out short term and the heart comes back with a good bill of health.  At that point the hip operation would be crossing another possibility off the list.  Oh, and the Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist can’t see me until basically the 1st of May.  If the heart comes back fine, I probably will push that back until after the operation.  Chances are he’s going to tell me to take the tonsils out, which is fine by me.  But in the order of importance of what is bugging the Hell out of me, my throat is low on the list.  I’d actually have to get to sleep for that to matter.

Meh.

Not much of a post, but figured I should throw something up so I didn’t start to feel anxious about blogging.  Nerves are all fried with the pain which is making even small tasks seem like mountains that can’t be climbed.  There’s so many things I should be doing, and I’m not, and its just frustrating.  I just have to hope we figure things out soon.  Because I’m really tired of this emo, whiney crap.  And I’m sure you guys are too.

  1. Conina says:

    I would hardly call talking about what you experience in life emo, whiny crap. It’s not like you’re making up your pain or your illnesses, or like you’re purposely exacerbating them through ridiculous actions of your own. (Like so many people exacerbate their own life situations and then blog at length about..)

    You write what you need to – just keep writing.

  2. Duality says:

    I get frustrated with myself, and when I wrote this I was about as frustrated as I get. And I beat myself up over being frustrated and not just staying in the acceptance area of the 5 steps and not in anger, depression, or bargaining. I’m well past the denial area after 3 joints being replaced I think. heh.