Sleep Broken, But Fixed

Posted: 11th February 2012 by Duality in What's Happening

Sleep had become a very large problem for me.  It would take me forever to get to sleep and even when I did pass out from exhaustion I’d sleep about five hours.  It started sometime around the operation, but I dismissed it as, you know, being part of the re-cooperation process.  But things got progressively worse, not better.  I was just having mild anxiety attacks every time I’d try to sleep.  Nothing serious, but enough to keep me awake.  So first of the month I went and saw my nurse practitioner to see what she could track down.  The long story short of it being my anti-depressants that I had been on for years were severely screwing with me.  So she weened me off of them, put me on a new one, and gave me some stuff that is like Valium to aid in the transitional period.  The net result of that, thus far, is that I’m getting more overall sleep… its just broken up a bit.  I’ll sleep 4 or 5 hours, be up for about 6, then sleep another 3 or so more hours.  Not ideal, but its an improvement.

Tonight I might have been able to sleep the whole night for once… but Grace wanted to snuggle with me.  I didn’t mind this at all.  It was nice just to lay tangled up in each others arms, gently touch one another, and just float there for awhile.  Nothing really sexual occurred, though she did offer.  I just wanted her to get some rest and enjoy feeling her in my arms.  Sleep I can find.  That feeling of laying there where the whole world could go to Hell and I wouldn’t notice or care?  Not as easy to find or replicate.  I can take whatever I want from her.  Its something we are both keenly aware of.  But that feeling of safety and love can’t be taken.  It has to be given.  And its a gift worth far more then sleep.