Patience

Posted: 6th February 2012 by Duality in Dynamics, What's Happening

In a perfect world, Grace signs the contract and on January 1st everything contained in the contract instantly begins to occur and continue to occur without any further discussion or issue.  Oh yeah, and the Saints win the Super Bowl.  But this isn’t a perfect world.  Its a cruel world where the Saints lose in San Francisco and many other things don’t go quite as you planned them to.  Grace is struggling a bit right now and things came to a mini-head last night when I started to assign this weeks tasks and she asked that the tasks be put off until she has a better grasp as to what is currently dragging her down.  Now, I know what’s dragging her down.  Its lack of sleep, PMS, her father having a cancer scare, and her fear of failure with the contract.  Its not exactly a pleasant mix to contend with for her and its causing all sorts of anxiety and depression issues with each symptom exasperating the other.

So I’ve been pretty forgiving all through this.  The high anxiety has caused her to get sick more then once and its caused her to miss multiple task days.  But I haven’t really punished her for those.  The only punishments that have really been given out centered around specific things that she should have gotten done and didn’t that either caused me to have to do them or for when she forgot to wear her collar around the house once.  I have largely been positive about starting each week as a new opportunity to get back on track instead of focusing on the things that haven’t been getting done.  So her coming to me and asking me to set aside the tasks without even attempting them?  Yeah, that didn’t fly so well.  So I gave her the only response I could give her under these circumstances.

“That’s fine.  But you aren’t allowed to wear the collar until such a time as you take the tasks up again.”

That brought her up short.  See, if you’re going to effectively walk away from the contract, even temporarily, then you’re going to walk away from its benefits as well.  You can’t have it both ways.  This forced her to sit down and have a conversation with me, which is what I wanted her to do to begin with.  If you’re going to make a big decision like shelving the contract, that tends to be something you should probably discuss with your Dom.  Just saying.  Anyway, she asked me my opinion on the matter and I pretty much gave the answer I said in the first paragraph.  That her problems getting tasks done have nothing to do with the D/s aspect of things and everything to do with what all is going on around her at the moment.  There’s just a tremendous amount of stress.  Now, if she feels she needs to concentrate on those areas of her life and she can better do that without the constraints of the contract, I can understand and empathize with that.  But I’m still firm on the no collar bit.  But I really think she just needs to keep plugging away at it.  I never give her tasks that set her up for failure.  They tend to be tasks that don’t take a lot of time because I know they look bigger in her head then they really are and I’d rather give her some momentum before assigning tasks that are a bit more difficult.

She asked me how I knew that she could do these things.  I find that question hilarious but held in my laughter on it.  She asked me for 3 years how I knew we’d get back to the D/s lifestyle.  She asked me for a year how I knew we’d get back to even just having sex.  I’m reasonably sure that since I was right on those two rather massive details that its a safe bet that I can get her to do a load of laundry, vacuum a room, and dust the walls and ceiling in a single day.  Comparatively speaking, its a way easier thing to believe in and have patience in.  And just to have a nice “D’aww” moment, the only thing I have more for my Gracie then patience is love.  She’s worth it.  And she’ll get back on the right track.  She always does.  Just sometimes it takes her a little while to figure out the right way to get on that track.