What It All Means So Far

Posted: 7th January 2012 by Duality in Dynamics

So, what does this contract actually seem to translate into when it comes to sex?  I’ve covered some of this on Grace’s side of it, as she has herself, but I figured I’d go into a little more detail and add my own view.

Grace continues to buy into submission completely.  This has given her a sexual freedom I haven’t really ever seen her have before which makes her less inhibited and much more aggressive in bed.  An example of this would be when she’s sucking my cock I’ll have her stop ever so often and stroke me.  She will actually fight me on this point now and whine a bit (or as much as you can whine in two or three word sentences like “want suck cock”) once the cock leaves her mouth.  I like to taunt her with the cock when this happens and do things like slapping her face with it.  Next week I’ll probably be a tad more rough about her not stopping when I tell her to, but this week has been about adjusting so I’ve been lenient.  Anyway, its still difficult for her to initiate sex, but her mannerisms are more pronounced then normal whenever she really wants me to so its easier for me to tell now then it has been previously.  There were a lot of nights where I just couldn’t tell what she wanted because her thoughts were all over the place.  She seems much more focused now on not only sex but other things.  All of which is good.

But what does all of this mean for me?  The short answer is I don’t have to hold back as much as I once did.  What I mean by that is before the contract the vast majority of my actions could be summed up with the question, “Is this really what you want?”.  I had to learn where her limits were.  I had to learn what she liked and didn’t like.  And, perhaps most importantly, I had to learn when she was going into her subspace realm of her mind and when she was having an anxiety attack.  That one I’m still going to struggle with from time to time because there are just way too many similarities between the two.  I’ve had to accept that to do that aspect of my job right, it meant that I had to accept the fact that I could do some short term damage to Grace.  That….isn’t easy.  But its one of those things where you look at risk vs reward and realize that the reward greatly outweighs the risk.

I’ve learned now where all those lines are and with her committing to this contract it has freed me to stop holding back as much.  I find I’m spanking her harder and for longer periods of time with less reward.  Oh I’ll still make her cum while spanking her, just not as often.  Spanking her harder is easier now because I know what she wants and how she wants it administered.  But the biggest change is in the actual initiation of sex.  With the contract in place I can have a greater degree of confidence that if I start something, something will happen.  Before I was always very careful in starting up a scene, especially one that could tend to be aggressive, until I knew for sure that Grace was in the proper headspace for it.  Confidence is a HUGE part of what a Dom does.  I can’t stress that enough.  Subs can tell when a Dom has it and when they don’t.  And if they don’t, whatever they’re trying isn’t going to work because the sub is going to push back on them.  They have to know who is in control on a base level.  They have to feel it deep inside that their submission is going to someone who deserves it.  A Dom that comes into a situation as non-confident is almost an insult to a submissive.  Actually, it pretty much is an insult.  So before the contract I had to make sure a lot of pieces were in place before I pushed.  Now, well there are still some pieces I have to be aware of, but there are a lot less then before.  Really it comes down to one thing.  Where is Grace’s anxiety level at?  Which sounds like its the same basic question as before, but there really is more leeway now.  Mainly because I can easily switch gears once I start the scene into something that is all about my personal gratification which is easier for her to deal with.  I’m finding I can be a greedy bastard much more easily now then before and just take my pleasure while leaving her none.  A fact she gets off on, which is probably why its easier for me now.

Anyway, that’s what I know so far.  We’ll see how much of this holds up next week when I start to be much more of a hard ass with her about the contract.  That’s when we find out just how committed we both are to this.  There’s going to be a lot of punishments dished out as learning lessons.  A lot of them.  How able I’m able to stick to my guns and how able she is at accepting the new realities will go a long way towards telling us just how far we are ready to go with this contract.