Posted: 29th September 2011 by Duality in Dynamics, Energy

Most of the time when I set up a scene I have a clear understanding of what is about to happen.  I know what I’m going to do, how I’m going to do it, and at what times in the scenes it will occur.  I also know how Grace will react to each thing I do.  When you’re a Dom, that’s what you want to have happen.  You don’t like for there to be too much of a chance at a random occurrence that could throw you off of the script you have in your head.  That comes down to a matter of control.  You want to not only control your sub, you want to dominate the situation fully.  But sometimes, that just won’t happen.

Look, sometimes a Dom is wro….is wron…….. sometimes the sub does something the Dom doesn’t want them to do.  Yeah, lets go with that.  And honestly, that’s how the situation tends to get translated in the scene.  You’re thinking A, the sub does B and you have to adjust quickly.  That just tends to happen from time to time, and honestly it wouldn’t be near as fun if it didn’t happen that way.  There needs to be an element of chance in there to spice things up.  Usually, though, a Dom can pre-plan for these circumstances and have some alternate plans they can quickly and effortlessly switch to so that the scene doesn’t miss a beat.

But sometimes the entire scene is an unknown.  That’s hard to explain so I’ll build an example.  From where I am in the bedroom I can see what Grace is looking at on her computer.  So I have a window into her current thought process when I want to.  And if I know she’s in a good mood and things are clicking well for her, I can easily take what she’s looking at and build a scene.  But sometimes, she isn’t doing all that great.  For whatever reason her anxiety is up or she’s just had a crappy day.  That’s when the guessing game begins.  See, sometimes I can literally spank Grace into a better mood.  I can dominate her away from darker thoughts and put her into a better head space.  But, sometimes when I push it just makes things worse.  It can easily magnify the situation if its not handled correctly.  So sometimes, its just a coin flip as to which is better.  Snap her out of it or leave her alone.

As this is a blog that is predominantly about me Domming Grace, with the occasional side trip to other subjects, I’ll go into what I do when I decide to try to snap her out of it.  First off, I have to get rid of the doubt of the situation.  I have to make Grace believe that I am confident in my ability to change her mood.  She has to believe that what I’m doing will help her.  That is half the battle right there.  If I can get her to shift her thoughts into being more receptive to a change in mood, I’m halfway home.  But that’s not the hard part.  The hard part is what is next.  I have roughly 15 to 30 seconds, maximum of 1 minute, to figure out from her facial expressions how I need to approach this.  I need to have a series of plans in place for each eventuality.  Does she need a spanking?  If so, how hard?  If not, does she need to feel submissive?  Does she need humiliation?  Does she need me to be Daddy and give her a softer energy?  If you break Grace down to her core emotions, what you have is someone who craves a softer hand, someone who craves a slightly harsher hand, and someone who challenges me to absolutely bring it.  What I’m doing in those critical few seconds is figuring out which Grace I’m dealing with.  If I guess wrong, I’ve screwed up badly.  If I bring harsh when she wants soft, its going to hurt her on an emotional level and make the situation worse.  If I go soft where she wants harsh, its going to frustrate her.  And if I try to go with the middle ground and its either of the other two choices that should have been made the energy will be wrong and we’ll end up ending it.

Whether or not this scene is going to work is actually determined within 2 minutes of me initiating the scene.  She has to buy that I am confident and I have to correctly see what type of scene she wants.  If I’m wrong, it can take quite awhile before the train wreck happens, but its coming.  I put them on a collision course as soon as I guessed the wrong track at the beginning and there’s precious little I can do about it now, largely because I don’t know that I’ve screwed up until its too late.

If I have messed up in my calculations, the best thing I can do is give her what she needs for it to be repaired.  If she needs space, that’s what she gets.  If she needs to be held, that’s what she gets.  But eventually we do the important thing that happens when I’m wro….I’m wron… when she does something I don’t expect.  We talk it through.  I need to understand where it went off the tracks.  I need to know what she was feeling and when.  Look, Doms are going to mess up.  We’re human.  Sometimes we’ll think we understand something we really don’t.  The only way to combat that is with information.  The more of it we have, the better we can be at our jobs.  If you feel your Dom isn’t understanding something about you, explain it to them.  Even if you’re in a relationship structure where that is frowned on, you need to understand that information is like a seed to a Dom.  Just because we blow you off on a subject doesn’t mean we didn’t hear you.  Its filed away.  We’ll come back to it.  We’ll examine it and try to figure out where it fits into the scheme of things.  We’re like that.  Especially when we’re wrong.

  1. Conina says:

    This is awesome. I love that you put so much thought into it – your description of the three different modes is so accurate it’s like you peered into my soul as well as Grace’s.

  2. Gracie says:

    I am a lucky girl, for sure. He puts that kind of thought into just about every aspect of our relationship, and he does it in a way that doesn’t drag things down or make them overly scientific (that’s my job).

    Great entry, as usual! :)