Understanding Top Drop

Posted: 28th September 2011 by Duality in Dynamics

I have to admit, I did not know this term until about a month or so ago.  Everything I had researched was more about what I could do to Grace in a safe manner.  I never really considered looking at what doing said things could do to me.  I stumbled upon it in a kind of funny manner.  It was in a webcomic.  Go figure.  Anyway, the comic author described it as:

Drop - An occasional and unfortunate side-effect of scening. Called Top Drop, Dom Drop, Bottom Drop, Sub Drop, etc. depending on the person experiencing it. Some people attribute it to a crash in endorphins while other believe it’s the result of energy transferal. Regardless, it manifests as feelings of irritation, exhaustion, apathy, and general shittiness the days following a scene.

While I didn’t know it had a name, I had experienced this on quite a few occasions.  Normally I would write it off as me being in more pain then I realized.  That happens a bit to me.  When you build up your pain tolerance way up there, you miss little things.  Like I once dislocated my thumb and didn’t realize it until I saw it kind of sitting there at an odd angle.  I get cuts and bruises all the time, and have no idea where they come from.  Grace looks at me funny when that happens.  Anyway, that’s what I would write it off as.  For whatever reason, it would never occur to me that it was connected to say spanking, slapping, and generally hurting my wife.  I’m slow sometimes.

As for what exactly happens to me to cause the drop, I’m not sure.  It could be something as simple as all the activity the scene caused has resulted in a pain spike that my brain is dealing with.  The more pain the brain deals with, the less it has for other tasks.  It could be an endorphin crash, especially when you consider that I really do get off on seeing Grace get off on the pain, humiliation, etc.  It could be that it simply takes so much out of me to hurt someone that my normal inclination is to protect that it causes a temporary depression to set in.  My best guess is its a combination of the three in some form or another.  I don’t think any one of those three, by itself, would cause the drop.  But just enough of each would.

So, what happens to me when I’m hit with top drop?  General apathy is the best way I can describe it.  I don’t want to do anything.  Nothing looks appealing to me and if Grace tries to initiate a “round two”, well lets just say sex never looked so unappealing then during those moments.  There’s just no will to do anything.  And when I mean anything, I mean even things that most would consider leisure activities like watch TV shows or read books or play video games.  When I’m in pain and lack focus I’ll bounce from activity to activity never doing any of them long because I just can’t stay focused on it very long.  Drop is different.  Its not that I don’t have the focus, its that I no longer want to do the activity.  There’s a degree of aggravation attached to it.  I’m sure I’m a genuine joy to be around.

Fortunately for everyone involved, it usually doesn’t last long for me.  Now that I’m aware of what’s going on and can better look for it, I can tell you that it usually lasts one or two hours with the maximum hitting around 3 hours and a minimum not existing.  Sometimes it won’t hit regardless to how violent a scene got.  As with most things with me, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of rhyme or reason to when it hits.  And if a pain spike is attached to it, it doesn’t seem to stick around long.  Maybe an hour tops.  I’m guessing my brain’s pain protocols override it, though honestly I have no idea.   So what I do is just ride it out.  Knowing what is going on helps.  It reduces a lot of the aggravation attached to it and I’m better able just to say to myself, “Just keep doing what you’re doing because this will pass”.  And it helps Grace to know what’s going on with me.  She knows if I’m going through top drop that its best just to leave me alone for a little bit.

Well, that’s what I go through.  Which, I suppose, brings us to the next logical question.  Does Grace go through bottom drop?  First, I’d like to say “You’re welcome” to Grace for giving her a topic to cover because sometimes its rough thinking stuff up, especially when you’re trying to do this on a daily basis.  With my smart ass comment out of the way, my answer would be I’m pretty sure she does.  Its even harder to figure out if she’s going through it then it is with me though.  Grace has lots of anxiety and depression triggers, and some of them are sexual in nature.  This makes it especially difficult to immediately figure out what is going on.  What I tend to do is give her space and watch her.  If she comes out of it relatively quickly, I write it off as bottom drop.  If it sticks around, either I did something that triggered a sort of latent reaction or her thought process after the fact triggered one.  If its that, well what I do there is more about the husband/wife dynamic and not the Dom/sub dynamic and doesn’t have anything to do with either type of drop so we’ll leave it there.

But that’s everything I know about Top Drop, at least when it comes to me.