Posted: 31st March 2012 by Duality in What's Happening

Sorry its been awhile since I’ve posted anything, just hasn’t been a lot to write about.  Grace was a bit bad and let her therapy sessions lapse for a couple of months and the net result of that was me pushing the pause button on most of what we’re doing.  She had too much build up and started to get overwhelmed.  One of the biggest adjustments for me, with her, has been the understanding that I can’t “fix” her.  I can support her, be there for her, and generally be what a spouse is supposed to be… but I don’t have the tools necessary to really understand everything that goes on inside her head.  And even if I did, its not my job to do that.  Sometimes you just have to realize your job is to guide them to the people who can do that.  Its sort of like being a doctor and having a kid who needs a shot.  You don’t want to be a doctor for that kid in that moment.  You don’t want them associating that shot with you.  You want to comfort them and be there for them.  Something you can’t do if you’re giving them the shot.  She sees her therapist twice this month, so we should get things heading back in the right direction soon.

Health issues continue for me.  Sleep is becoming a bigger issue again after having a couple of weeks of what passes somewhat close to normal.  So I’ll make an appointment to see the doc again next week.  Still no idea when I’ll get the other hip done.  So more hurry up and wait across the board there.

Hopefully I’ll post something soon-ish about a late night encounter Grace and I had, but wanted to get this update up before another day went by.

Connecting Through Pain

Posted: 18th March 2012 by Duality in Dynamics, Pain

There’s a certain perspective that you get when you deal with pain every day.  It kind of throws you off into another world almost where people try to imagine what kind of pain you are in and can’t.  And I used to be in that other world.  I’d see someone in obvious pain and say the words that I now hate hearing, “I can’t imagine the type of pain you’re in”.  And I’m pretty sure I’ve already said that, when you’re in pain, you really don’t want to hear that.  But as I’ve observed others and the more I’ve learned through the sadistic streak that I’m cultivating, I think I’m beginning to see the proper way to handle those situations.

Okay, so pain is relative.  It may well be that stubbing your toe on a door can feel the same as someone else popping a thumb out of joint or their shoulder.  Everyone is different and everyone’s body sends pain signals differently.  And they’re processed differently.  And beyond that, some people just tolerate pain better than others.  So if everyone rated pain on a scale of 1 to 10 and you and someone else both felt pain at say 5, that doesn’t mean you both feel the same thing.  Their 5 could be a 2 to you.  Or an 8.  So trying to figure out the pain someone is feeling is just an exercise in futility.

So, what should you do?  You connect with them.  You may not know what pain they are in, but you can see what the pain is doing to them.  Are they hurting so bad they can’t get out of bed?  Chances are, you’ve been there.  Or close to their at least.  You see what the pain is doing to them and you connect with that.  You humanize that.  You connect with them with that.  If they come back angry that you compared the two, then chances are they’re angry at their situations and nothing you can say will change that.  So don’t bother.  But chances are good that they want to know someone else has been there.  Someone else made it to the other side of what they’re facing.  That’s what they want.  Assurance.  Hope.  What they already have plenty of is anything that is unknown.  So throwing one more unknown at them isn’t really going to help anybody.  Because, trust me, they don’t know how to describe the pain to you anymore then you know what their pain is.

The reason I went through all of this is to set up what I really wanted to talk about.  How I spank Grace in different headspaces.  Depending on each of ours moods, the spankings can go hard and they can go softer.  If she’s being her almost bratty self, they tend to be hard.  She wants to struggle against me to keep control while I overpower her.  But, if she’s sort of in little girl mode, the spankings are softer.  The difference being is that if you walked into the room during the softer spankings, you’d think I was torturing her.  She isn’t trying to hold onto control there.  She’s attempting to revel in losing it.  Its a complete 180 from when she’s bratty.  Bratty Grace tries to remain still.  Little Grace, or Livvie as we refer to her then, flails around saying things like “No no no, stop please, it hurts”.  Her alter ego would of course remain silent.  Or try to be anyway.  The point being, she processes pain differently depending on which mode she’s in.

I know how hard to hit her because I connect with her pain.  I, usually, start slow and build up.  I watch how she reacts to the force of the hits and adjust accordingly.  When you’re a Dom, you can never just get into a routine.  You can’t just follow a script to the letter.  You have to watch.  You have to process the information that your sub gives you as she reacts to the stimulus you present her with.  And the stimulus can come in the form of pain, or words, or even just staring at her in silence.  Every action you make as a Dom is a question that your sub will answer in one form or another.  You take those actions and you build around them towards whatever it is you want to build towards.

Anyway, there’s a glimpse inside of one Dominant’s mind at least and how I do things.  Or, perhaps more importantly, how I perceive them.

Still No Sleep Till Brooklyn

Posted: 13th March 2012 by Duality in What's Happening

Last night was not fun.  Still not exactly fun, but at least its better then it was.  At one point my pain level hit a point where I was nauseous from it.  Nothing like staring at the commode and wondering if you’re going to throw up.  Its an incredibly frustrating time for me.  Back in January I felt like I finally had gained some control over my body.  There was a plan in place and I could trigger the plan at my leisure.  Now?  Not so much.  Everything is in a hold until we figure out what is causing my body this much distress.  I’d rather not try to recover from major surgery when I can’t sleep or get any rest.  I may have to if we can’t figure anything out short term and the heart comes back with a good bill of health.  At that point the hip operation would be crossing another possibility off the list.  Oh, and the Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist can’t see me until basically the 1st of May.  If the heart comes back fine, I probably will push that back until after the operation.  Chances are he’s going to tell me to take the tonsils out, which is fine by me.  But in the order of importance of what is bugging the Hell out of me, my throat is low on the list.  I’d actually have to get to sleep for that to matter.


Not much of a post, but figured I should throw something up so I didn’t start to feel anxious about blogging.  Nerves are all fried with the pain which is making even small tasks seem like mountains that can’t be climbed.  There’s so many things I should be doing, and I’m not, and its just frustrating.  I just have to hope we figure things out soon.  Because I’m really tired of this emo, whiney crap.  And I’m sure you guys are too.


Posted: 10th March 2012 by Duality in Dynamics, Scenes

So I went to my first Munch Thursday night.  Grace already wrote about it and she did so mistakenly thinking that me typing away on my keyboard meant I was writing up my thoughts on it.  I wanted a little time to process things and me sitting in a chair for a few hours added with some high winds put me into the red on my pain threshold so I wanted that to calm down a little before I wrote about it.  So… what did I think?

To be honest, it played out about as I thought.  People were friendly, the food was good, and the topics of discussion were interesting.  They mainly centered around a possible play party for our specific area in the not too distant future.  Something we didn’t really think was possible, but someone seems to have found a location.  A lot of the conversation centered on how to prepare for it and the logistics involved in setting things up.  I found it somewhat amusing that most of the talk mirrored the talk of different sci-fi and gaming conventions that I had been a part of in my younger years.  A little security, a little set up, some hospitality, and making sure that whoever volunteered for various jobs were given time to enjoy the festivities so everything was set up on schedules.  Or will be once they know more.  Though I have to say the kink community, as drama filled as it can be, was very tame on that specific area in comparison to the geeky crowd.  Hmm, I suppose I should reserve judgement on that until jobs get actually assigned.  Heh.  Anyway, the timing of the event makes it fairly unlikely that I would go to it.  I’m still in medical limbo so planning the next couple of months is difficult at best.

This morning I did have some very enjoyable sex with Gracie.  And I had a lot of fun with it.  She finally got to suck my cock and she did so with gusto.  I basically had her fingering herself to orgasm while she sucked my cock, one of the more enjoyable for me exercises I have her do as her groans and moans feel ever so good on my dick.  But she hit a point where she felt she couldn’t reach orgasm anymore with things the way they were.  Not a problem, I said.  I start to roll her onto her back and all the while she’s saying, “No, want cock.  Want to suck your cock”.  Well, she said that right up until the point where I buried my cock into her.  At which point I began the teasing.

“Still want to suck my cock?” (She shakes her head) “I can stop you know.  Just pull out and…”

“No.  Please fuck me.  Please please please.”

So I do.  But I tell her not to cum.  When she’s close, I stop and pull all the way out so that only my tip is left in.

Grace- No!  Please please please.

Me- Please what?

Grace- Please fuck me.

So I do.  Until she’s clawing at the bed and I stop again.  We pretty much repeat this for awhile, bringing her close…stopping… and then going again,  until I don’t stop when I see her right at the verge.

Grace- Please please please.

Me- Please what?  I’m already fucking you.

Grace- Please let me cum.

Me- Hmm. *pause*  Cum.

And she did.  A nice big powerful one that milked the ever living Hell out of my cock.  Shortly there after I started feeling the nice tingling sensation that means that I could cum soon if I wanted to.  Not wanting to screw up a chance at it, I decided to stop the teasing and just started pounding her hard.  And when I came, I put my lips in her ear and told her to cum with me.  And then we laid like that for awhile with me on top of her and her wrapping her legs and arms around me holding me close.

Its nice to start to get this sort of activity back to somewhat normal.  Its been one thing or another with both of us that seemed to be short circuiting our sex sessions of late.  Operations, illnesses, her anxiety, and my pain issues all one after another screwing things up.  I’m hopeful with us on the trail as to what is screwing up my sleep and further operations for me in the future that my end will get to the point where sitting for two hours doesn’t fuck me up for three days afterwards.  That would be nice is all I’m saying.  And I’m just as hopeful that Grace and I can finally start doing more bdsm stuff.  That would be even nicer.


Posted: 5th March 2012 by Duality in Dynamics, Scenes

As Grace points out in her blog,  Saturday was a good day.  The day started with some amazing sex and ended with some amazing sex.  But apparently something I said was deemed “unsexy”.  So as she decided not to add anything but a poll, I figured I’d actually tell you what happened.  Grace came to bed to help me scratch an itch I had had since that morning.  See, while the morning sex was hot and fulfilling on multiple levels, I didn’t get to cum.  That’s the problem sometimes with wake up sex for me, I haven’t taken anything to help with all the aches and pains that come with sleeping and too many of those type issues make it all but impossible for me to cum.  But Dear Lord did I fuck Grace like crazy.  I suppose that sometimes that’s the nice thing about morning sex for Grace, because I can just fuck her until she begs me to stop.  I actually could have fucked her more that morning, but misread her a little and thought she had had enough.  Ah well.  But I’m off topic.  Back to the drawer’s incident…

So Grace comes to bed and I ask her if she wants a spanking.  She shyly and playfully nods.  I ask her if she wants to suck my cock while I give her a spanking.  She shyly and playfully shakes her head no.  So I say, “All you want is a spanking?” and she again shyly and playfully nods her head.  In the playful spirit of the moment I say, “Well then, drop your drawers” to which she replied, “That’s possibly the most unsexy thing you could have said at that very moment”.  Let’s just say I added a little more force in my swats as part of my rebuttal.  Pun probably intended.  It was a good spanking session.  I’m learning to embrace my sadistic side more and it really showed in this session.  I was doing my thing where I spank her vigorously for a bit then stop and rub her ass and maybe scratch at the tender spots with my nails when I decided to get into her head a little.

“I can smell you, you know.  I know you are getting wet.  I bet you’re dripping, aren’t you?”

Grace buries head in pillow and gives a sort of non-answer that I can’t remember at the moment.

“I asked you a question.  Are you wet?  Are you very wet?”


Grace mumbles an answer.

“Lets see how wet you are.”

I spread her legs and run my finger up and down her slit.  She is, as I knew she would be, very wet.  So I start to tease her with my finger.  She tries to close her legs at one point but a quick swat of my hand fixes that issue.  I start to work on her clit a bit, then go back to just circling her slit.  Slowly building things.  I give her a stern warning not to cum without my permission and go back to the teasing.  Eventually I just concentrate on her clit.  I rub and stop.  Rub and stop.  Rub and stop.  She’s humping my hand by now and giving little desperate whimpers.  Eventually she starts to beg me to let her cum.  Pleading with me.  And when I hear just the right level of desperation in her voice, just that little squeak in her tone that means she won’t be able to stop herself if I go a moment longer, I stop and go back to spanking her.  God how I love those moments.  I wasn’t done with her.  Not yet.  And I didn’t want her to cum until I was done with her.

And now I’m spanking even harder then before.  Once again I build up the swats until my arm is tired and her will is close to breaking and stop.  I softly touch her ass and tell her not yet.  No, not yet.  I’m still not done.  Close now.  Soon.  But not yet.  And I dig my nails into her tender flesh, something I do a lot when I am ready for her to cum in these sessions, but I don’t give the command.  She’s getting more and more desperate to cum.  She groans in frustration.  But, like I said, I’m not done with her.

Once the strength is back in my arm I start the swatting again.  I’m thankful that I’m using the back scratcher on this one because my hand would be raw at this point if I wasn’t.  I like making her move her legs.  I don’t thinks she knew that until just now though.  Maybe I’ve told her before but if I have, I’ve forgotten.  But I do love to make her lose enough control to move her legs like a child does when they get spanked.  Just that loss of control to the pain.  That’s what my aim is in these sessions.  I want her to lose control.  I want to take it from her.  I want her to be unable even to think about what could be coming next.  I just want her reacting to what I’m doing and not giving her the option to make me react.  So I spank her, hard.  And when I see her feet start to pedal just a little bit.  Just kind of kicking the bed using really only her ankles, I abruptly stop spanking, dig my nails into her ass, and simply say, “Cum”.

Its always fun watching the results.  Depending on the amount of build up I give her, her reaction to the command can be just a quick stiffening to downright spasms.  I’ll describe this one though.  There’s an intake of air through her teeth, she raises her head up off the pillow and arches her back.  She curled up a little and tensed up.  There’s a beat or two of nothing now.  Not long.  You’d barely notice it at all if you were watching, but I can see it.  Then it just washes over her whole body.  She extends back out so that she’s back in the position I put her in to begin with and shakes.  When she finally exhales its in the form of a long moan.  She’ll tremble for a bit after that as the aftershocks continue to hit.  If I build it up enough, the aftershocks can last quite a while.  I built this one up just right so she’s still trembling when I finally say, “So are you just going to lay there or are you going to suck my cock?”.

What follows is me learning that I don’t want her to suck my cock when she’s got a piece of peppermint candy in her mouth (it dried out and made an incredibly sensitive mess of the tip of my cock), her declining the golden opportunity to swallow my cum, and me deciding to put my cum inside her another way since she didn’t want to swallow.  And all the while reminding her that the reason I was doing that was because she is my cumbucket.  A term she both hates and loves.  Mostly loves to hate.  And finally me having one Hell of an orgasm after fucking her brains out again.  I could have made her swallow me, but I had the feeling where she was at that moment it probably would be pushing her too far.  So I just switched gears.  And besides, it was more fun to fuck her some more and to feel myself pumping my cum inside of her.

Saturday was a very good day, indeed.

Sleep, Perchance to Dream

Posted: 1st March 2012 by Duality in What's Happening

Sleep and I are simply not on speaking terms at the moment.  I went to the doctor today to try to continue to find a fix and hopefully we’re moving in the right direction.  Going on a new med that will help me sleep, but probably will fog my brain a little more.  At this point though I would imagine that’s a little like adding a little extra fog to London.  Who is going to notice?  It also has an added bonus of possibly helping pain management so hopefully it helps.  Beyond that, its specialist and test time.  Blood work, having my tonsils looked at, and probably an echo of my heart just to make sure everything is okay.  But Dear God am I sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I won’t have the new medicine until tomorrow so tonight I’m taking the Defcon 1 approach and nuking the Hell out of myself with enough drowsy type medications to drop an elephant.  I need sleep.  I also need to fuck the Hell out of Grace but until we’re both better (allergies and her worrying about me is keeping her up and sleepless) that’s not going to happen.  So…very….frustrating.

A Visit to Submission

Posted: 29th February 2012 by Duality in Dynamics

Sleep and I aren’t the best of friends at the moment.  I’ve got a couple of things going on and they aren’t a quick fix.  One, I had to get off my old antidepressant and start up a new one.  That’s never an easy transition regardless of the medications.  On top of that I’ve apparently been diagnosed with some kind of panic disorder that only hits when I try to sleep.  We’ve tried combating this with basically a tranquilizer to settle me down enough to sleep.  Some nights this month its worked like a charm.  Other nights, not so much.  I’m going to get on another new medication next month, but we’re still a few days away from that.  I couldn’t get on it while the switch over from one medication to the other was happening.  So that brings us to tonight.

I was…well am… exhausted.  Getting to sleep was easy.  Staying asleep was not.  The best way I can describe what was going on was no matter what type of daydream or regular dream I put myself into or found myself in, there was this overwhelming feeling of oppression that just weighed down on me until I woke up.  It wasn’t a nightmare.  It could have been a beautiful field of flowers on a clear day that any other person would find relaxing and calming, but all I felt was that oppression.  There wasn’t anything to fight off, it was just there and I couldn’t feel it but it overwhelmed me.  So I’d slip in and out of sleep for awhile.

I had gone to bed first and Grace joined me after about an hour of me sleeping in fits.  I’ve talked about the feeling of peace I get with Grace when I hold her close before, so I got the idea that maybe if I slept close to her that might be enough to calm things down.  We were back to back for a little while but she eventually rolled over and cuddled with me.  And I just melted.  She started to touch my chest under my shirt so I tossed the shirt I was wearing and my underwear.  The whole exercise had mixed results because while I found the peace I was after and that oppressive feeling abated, I really didn’t want to leave the moment I was in with Grace so that sort of woke me up.  There wasn’t anything sexual to it, just… it was so very nice.  Like being wrapped in love.  And whatever she wanted to do to me I was okay with.  I realized that at that moment, all my walls that I build were gone.  I was completely vulnerable to her.  In those fleeting moments where we laid together like that, I was her submissive.

The moment didn’t last long.  I realized I was keeping her up and I needed to re-wind down to try to sleep again so I convinced her to roll over and go to sleep.  She wasn’t up for experimenting with me in that position anyway, which is probably for the best.  I think just that one moment of being vulnerable to my beloved wife was the special thing.  Anything else might have ruined the purity of that.  It was special and gives me more insight into how she looks at the world and that is always a good thing.  The loss of sleep to gain what I gained was a bargain I’d pay most any day.


Posted: 28th February 2012 by Duality in Dynamics

I was raised by a very proper Southern woman who taught me how to be a “good boy”.  And one of the things you do as a good boy is never, ever, ever hit a woman.  You see where this is going considering the nature of the blog.  As Grace and I enter into this new area of our lives where flogging, caning, and paddling will become more and more normal functions of who and what we are, its caused me to reevaluate my personal stance on sadism.  The line that I have been towing has always been that I’m not a sadist, I just enjoy giving Grace pleasure and it just so happens that she likes pain.  Take away that pleasure part of the pain that give and it wouldn’t be appealing to me.  But is that true?  We have different levels of what I guess could be called pain play.  The low end is just playful and laughing is not unheard of in this end of the spectrum.  Especially me.  And not the evil laugh.   Just the good laugh you get at watching your love one in a playful situation.  That end of the pool is full of light, you can clearly see the bottom of the pool, and its not very deep.

But there is the other end of the pool that we venture into now and again.  Its dark.  You can’t tell how deep it is and the emotion is… hollow is the first word that pops into my head but its wrong.  Everything is very pinpoint.  For me, its emotionless.  I tend to go about my work in a clinical fashion with only some vague framework in mind.  Ironically its usually art.  How red can I make an area?  Can I make it look like she has a sunburn?  Can I “paint” red wings on her cheeks?  I know it sounds whimsical but its really not.  I don’t smile.  I don’t show any real emotion.  I get very focused and do what I want to her because I can and if I talk it is to remind her of that fact.  I’m usually quiet.  I like how heavy the silence can get in those situations.

There exists, though, a buffer between what I view as me being a sadist and me pleasuring my sub as a Dom.  And that is the pain is almost always followed by sexual gratification for me.  Sure there are the occasional maintenance spankings where all I do is spank her and move on, but those are very shallow encounters.  What’s going to happen when I push Grace sadistically and there won’t be sex at the end?  Understand that the scenes I’m thinking about now are going to be marathon sessions like the one with Talia.  I’m talking about abusing her for an hour, or two, or maybe even three.  At the end of it, she’s going to be fried.  She’s going to need aftercare.  She’s not going to be able to function in a manner where I could use her in a responsible manner.  Oh, I could.  I own her after all and she’d do it.  But because I own her there are certain responsibilities I must always take into consideration and her overall well being and her emotional state are parts of that.  Where will I be at the end of one of those marathon sessions?  With Talia I watched a lot.  It wasn’t me inflicting the damage therefore it wasn’t me receiving the majority of the topdrop that will hit at some point.  It certainly did with Talia as she wanted to make sure Grace was doing well afterwards and made a clear point of having Grace keep in touch with her in the following days so that Talia could have that reassurance.

So its something I’ve been thinking about.  Is the line I’ve always towed just that, a line?  Am I going to find that the sadistic streak that has come out once or twice before in Grace’s and my’s history really a huge part of me?  And if so, what does that change if anything?  I guess the thing that scares me the most is I’m not actually scared about that question.  I’m just curious.  Which I suppose should clue me into what the probably outcome is going to be.  But we’ll see.  First of the month I’m ordering some floggers.  I plan on using them before I go back into the hospital sometime early in April for my left hip.

Slow It Down

Posted: 21st February 2012 by Duality in What's Happening

Not much to post about today other then what I’m doing to Grace this week.  With all the stress she’s been under, I decided to scale back her tasks.  She did not immediately appreciate this fact largely because she didn’t see where I had scaled things back from.  I invited her to compare and contrast to previous weeks but she eventually went with the “No, I suppose you’re right” response which always leaves me strongly suspecting that she just gave in.  I really don’t like when she does that especially when I’m in a position of being lenient with her, but it was what it was.  My overall plan was to slow it down this week and slowly ramp back up.  The only thing I haven’t liked about it thus far is really a lack of appreciation about this gesture and a seeming (to me) lack of submission.  Its possible that I’ve been too laid back of late with her and too forgiving.  She didn’t finish her tasks today owing to a monumental brain fart and I let it slide, sort of.  I told her to finish the task tomorrow.  Somehow months of laundry meaning “do a load of laundry, fold it, and put it away” got translated into “do a load of laundry”.  So I’m finding myself in the odd position of trying to slow things down for her so that she can de-stress a little more this week after the last few weeks of nothing but doctor visits for either her Dad or myself while at the same time preparing to draw a line in the sand and say that if you can’t do the reduced workload I’m putting in front of you then perhaps a more stern approach with punishments should be called for.  That’s something I’d obviously like to avoid.  Actually, I just thought of the perfect approach.  I’m not going to share that here because I’m already dangerously close to using the blog to affect my sub which is something I told myself I wouldn’t do so before I let her read this I’m going to have a quick chat with her.  *evil grin*  I really do need a white cat like Cee Lo has on the Voice.  You can’t pull off a proper evil grin without one in my opinion.

Anyway, that’s really all that’s going on.  Probably more on this later.


Posted: 19th February 2012 by Duality in Scenes, What's Happening

Changing anti-depressants is not a pleasant experience.  Your body and to a degree your emotions get out of whack for a bit and its easy to see situations and build them into bigger things then they really are.  I suspect I’ve done that a lot the last couple of weeks with Grace.  Because of my history with anger issues, I can control most of the fits of anger I get over little things especially when there is a part of my brain asking the question, “Why exactly are you getting upset over this?”.  Now that I’ve been off the Wellbutrin for a week and its starting to leave my system, things are calming down more and more for me.  Understand I haven’t been a complete dick to Grace, but I probably haven’t been there for her as much as I should have and that annoys me.  There was never one thing that you could point to and say, “This is where my frustration was coming from”.  I was just frustrated in general and every little thing that happened added to my frustration level.  Pain, not being able to spend the amount of intimate time I wanted to with Grace, and an inability to orgasm all sort of fanned the fire.  So I’ve been grouchy.  Reading this paragraph back to myself right now, I understand how hodgepodge and rammed together it all sounds, but this is really the best I can do right now to explain what’s been going on.  It hasn’t been fun.  Frustrating has been the word of each and every day for over a week.

That is until Friday.  I came.  Oh Dear God did I cum.  Sadly without Grace but I suspect that was for the best.  I didn’t want distractions, I didn’t want to worry about how she was doing and if I should be pleasing her as well.   I just wanted to cum.  And when I felt it, I put the gas pedal to the floor and let it hit.  Normally guys can start to feel that tingle and we’ll extend it out a bit and enjoy it.  This wasn’t about enjoyment.  This was about getting a release.  It was primal and Grace should feel fortunate that she wasn’t involved because the sheer amount of cum that came out of my cock after a week of blue balls was impressive to say the very least.  She may have drowned if she had been trying to swallow it is all I’m saying.  And when I was done, there was no sexual bliss or afterglow.  It was just relief.  The closest I can relate it to is that feeling of collapsing onto a very comfortable couch after a day of heavy manual labor.  Just feeling all the strength leave you and falling into the softness and comfort of that couch and not wanting to move from it.  That’s how it felt.

Grace and I did have a bit of fun Saturday night where I gave her a very long and hard spanking.  It was one of those where you build up and then stop for a bit.  Rub her ass.  Talk to her soothingly.  Get her to relax just a little.  Then start again.  Each time going a little longer and hitting a little harder.  The best part was towards the end I wailed on her ass and had her squirming and moaning underneath me and I stopped.  Then I started dragging my nails over her tender flesh.  I think she expected this to be the finale and I’d finally let her cum, but no.  I told her I wasn’t done with her yet.  Soon.  Very soon.  But not yet.  I called her my pet and stroked her hair lightly.  I wanted her energy to be just right for what I was going to do next.  I wanted her to relax again and I wanted her feeling very submissive.  And then I absolutely lit into her.  On several of the spanks she grunted from the force of it and by the end she was babbling incoherently.  That’s when I knew she was ready.  That’s when I stopped, took each of my hands and placed them above each ass cheek, dug my nails into her ass, and growled in her ear to cum.  She literally convulsed on the bed from the intensity of it.  You really have no idea how much I love doing that to her.

She sucked on me for awhile but the weather wasn’t doing me any favors.  I think if the wind hadn’t of kicked up my arthritis as badly as it had I could have cum but I knew fairly early on it just wasn’t going to happen so I turned it around and focused on her.  I had her get herself off simply by sucking my cock and then stopped the scene, bringing her up into my arms and just holding her.  I’ve probably mentioned it before, but for a brief few seconds when I first hold her in my arms… the universe just stops.  There’s no thoughts in my mind, I just go blank.  All I feel is safe and loved and that she and I are the only two beings in existence.  It doesn’t last long, but when people ask me if I love Grace now as much as I did when I first married her the answer is yes based on that feeling alone.  Or possibly the answer could be no but only because the correct answer is I love her more now that I know more about her.  Now that I know all her little idiosyncrasies that make her who she is.

Anyway, things are trending better but I’m still struggling here and there with this changeover.  I’m hopeful it continues to get better and that things calm down now that Grace’s father has had his operation and maybe…just maybe I’ll see more of my Gracie and get to use her as only someone who owns her completely could.